Enquiry

[Benchmark00]

Dear Sirs and Madam (Nightprowler10),

I, like few others, have been a long standing and respected member of Planet Cricket for a number of years/months. I only need to point you towards my posting record for you to get an idea of my fine record which is rivalled by few, yet envied by most.

Now, I stand before you with a question that, for the life of me, I can't understand hasn't been asked before.

How do I get a sub-forum solely dedicated to me? I think this sub-forum will be both educational, entertaining, and above all else, sexy.

When discussing this request with your fellow moderators, I ask you to disregard the intimate relationship I am currently engaged in with Nancy Nightprowler10 as I feel it may unduely sway your decision.

I trust that you will have no problems in granting this request as it will no doubt boost posting numbers and sponsorship, which will have a strong correlating relationship with the GDP of several African countries as shown in figure 1.0 below:

Figure 1.0 The positive relationship between sponsorship revenue and posts on Planet Cricket and the GDP of several African countries.


I leave you with one final thought.

Some moderators are born great (Looney_Bob), whilst others have greatness thrust upon them. Is this your time to be great?

Yours in forums,
Benchmark00.

Benchmark00 added 2 Minutes and 47 Seconds later...

Suggestions for the name of new sub-forum are, but not restricted to:

• People's Republic of Benchmark
• Democratic State of Nightprowler10 is a Jerk
• Benchmark00ville
• Wicked Wings
• Kingdom of Benchmark

 

[Sureshot]

We could only offer you something like an honourable forum, as seen in places like Zimbabwe. Do you have health care protection, Mr Tsvangirai?

 

[ZoraxDoom]

Your own sub-forum? While I have no doubt you are an esteemed candidate, I'd place the likeliness of you getting your own sub-forum to be rather low due to the cornucopia of paper work involved. Filing it alone could take several business-days, let alone processing it. Not to mention the sub-charges, which, if I'm not mistaken, add up to precisely USD$4,675.98.

Although I must confess, these charges and rules and regulations are a bit out-dated, written during sometime pre-2000. They will ofcourse have to be updated and amended to take into consideration fluctuating gas prices, the advent of Google, and the discovery of Plutonium-3,4,4-oxide. Doing so could take anywhere between 15 minutes and 23 seconds to several weeks. Your patience will be required. Also, since the need to update it came about by your request, you will also need to pay an additional USD$547.66 to the above mentioned sub-charges, which shall be re-evaluated within a 2 week period of your payment.

 

[Benchmark00]

Upon perusal of the issues you have mentioned, I have decided to accept the terms and conditions expressed by yourself.

As a show of good faith, I have PM'd you n00dz of Barmy Army's attractive sister, Amy Army. Please accept these as confirmation of my interest in persuing this matter further.

I appreciate your swift ongoing correspondence and look forward to working with you in the near future.

Regards,
Nightprowler11

 

[barmyarmy]

As soon as the money's in my account I'll create it.

 

[ZoraxDoom]

Your account Colin?


And we do not take kindly to lewd photos NightProwler11. Especially of Colin's, ahem, 'attractive' sister.

 

[Benchmark00]

As soon as the money's in my account I'll create it.

As you know, I only deal in two forms of currency; pie and n00dz.

Which is it gonna be?

 

[ZoraxDoom]

Ahem!



I like Pie.

 

[Hooper]

Is this funny?

 

[Benchmark00]

Is this funny?

At the risk of receiving yet another unworthy infraction, can it, buzz cut.

Benchmark00 added 0 Minutes and 35 Seconds later...

In the process of making cherry pie, ftr.

 

[Hooper]

Yeah, I know. I hate those unworthy infractions.

Though my infraction tally has stalled thanks to the biggest, most fattest pie eater of them all is gone... Andrew Nixon.

 

[Simbazz]

Infractions didn't exist when Andrew Nixon's terror reign was in full flow here!

 

[Benchmark00]

Andrew Nixon is a poor man's James Nixon.

And that's saying something.

 

[Benchmark00]

Cherry pie cooling on the windowsill aws.

 

[barmyarmy]

And we're done here...