What's the difference between Nasser Hussain and Saddam Hussein?
Saddam Hussein has more victories.
How dominant is Australia's No. 1 fast bowler?
Well, most people in England think their opening batsman's real name is Atherton b McGrath.
What would Mark Waugh be if he were an English batsman?
In form.
What's the outstanding feature of England's pace attack?
Andy Caddick's ears.
What was England's best chance of a win in the second Test at Adelaide Oval?
Telling the Aussies the match is at the MCG
Heard about the new Ashes trophy?
Yes, if England loses another series they're going to keep the bails and burn the players instead.
How bad is the English batting?
Well, the selectors are thinking of moving "Extras" up the batting order.
Why are the England players demanding increased match payments?
Someone has let on that Ashes Tests sometimes go to a fourth day.
What is the height of optimism?
An English batsman applying sunscreen.
What does Alan Mullally put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A bat.
What would Glen McGrath be if he were an Englishman?
An all-rounder.
What is the English version of a hat-trick?
Three runs in three balls.
Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
Because they never catch anything
What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A bowler.
What was the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
Who has the easiest job in the English team?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats
What advantage do Nasser Hussain, Mark Ramprakash, Uzman Afzaal, AlexTudor and Alan Mullally have over the rest of their team-mates?
At least they can say they're not really English.
Saddam Hussein has more victories.
How dominant is Australia's No. 1 fast bowler?
Well, most people in England think their opening batsman's real name is Atherton b McGrath.
What would Mark Waugh be if he were an English batsman?
In form.
What's the outstanding feature of England's pace attack?
Andy Caddick's ears.
What was England's best chance of a win in the second Test at Adelaide Oval?
Telling the Aussies the match is at the MCG
Heard about the new Ashes trophy?
Yes, if England loses another series they're going to keep the bails and burn the players instead.
How bad is the English batting?
Well, the selectors are thinking of moving "Extras" up the batting order.
Why are the England players demanding increased match payments?
Someone has let on that Ashes Tests sometimes go to a fourth day.
What is the height of optimism?
An English batsman applying sunscreen.
What does Alan Mullally put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A bat.
What would Glen McGrath be if he were an Englishman?
An all-rounder.
What is the English version of a hat-trick?
Three runs in three balls.
Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
Because they never catch anything
What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A bowler.
What was the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
Who has the easiest job in the English team?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats
What advantage do Nasser Hussain, Mark Ramprakash, Uzman Afzaal, AlexTudor and Alan Mullally have over the rest of their team-mates?
At least they can say they're not really English.
