Cricketdude
Chairman of Selectors
Good day, dear people. It’s the man who likes making jokes that no one understands… its Mr. Dutchad. The Man reveals his soul to all today. Thanks for the questions. Here we go.
The first question was sent in by a Mr hMarka from Texas: He wrote “Dear Mr Dutchad, is George W Bush a great President? Or was he the greatest President?”
The answer is of course no and no. Although he had a tough time of history to deal with, he probably created most of the problems himself. His whole goal seemed to be focused on getting Saddam for his daddy. He did however give a lot of money and support to Africa and the fight against AIDS. Ronald Reagan is my favourite recent American president.
Scion-sid asks:
Lady Gaga or Britney Spears?
Well it depends what you want me to do with them. If I have to listen to their music or discuss the permutations of global warming with them, then I will pass, but if I am allowed to shag them in a wild threesome in my caravan, then yes.
Sid also asks:
If you can only eat one thing for rest of your life then what will it be?
Well the obvious answer is: food.
Treva asks:
What would be your perfect three course meal?
To start a Mustard and Smoked Salmon soup, then a nice juicy steak with thick, fried potatoes and ample salad and to finish off hot apple crumble with ice cream and custard.
Highlander999:
What is it with women?
Ah women, wonderful creatures. They need to be listened to my friend. Then they are yours and will do anything you like. But first they need to feel as though you are interested in their little problems and insights into life.
Simbazz:
How awesome am I?
If we are using Collins Social Aptitude Module Indicator Test, about a 7.5 on a scale of one to ten. However basing my judgments on how much potential vcash you are willing to give me I would say at least 11 on a scale of one to ten.
hMarka asks:
How did you find Planetcricket and are you active on any other forums?
I bought BLIC 07 (sigh) and was looking for some patches and downloads to make it playable (failed) and stumbled on PC and had to become a member to download anything. However I didn’t start posting till July 2009 and now the rest is history (thank God.)
A very interesting question from ste_mc_efc:
“How come when Old Biff stole the DeLorian and traveled from 2015 to 1955 to give Young Biff the Almanac, why didnt he return to an alternate version of 2015 even though when Marty and the Doc returned to 1985, it was an alternate reality to what they where expecting?”
It really gets me mad when people ask such obvious questions. Jeez. Don’t they teach anything anymore? It’s the Quantum Particle Expressive Field tension (Whitley and Scrubber 1996) that enables certain fragments of time to slip into own speed clusters, parallel to the main cosmic time framework. When gravitational pulsing is stronger (due to solar activity pulses) these fragments can be drawn into mainstream time components thereby seeming to occur out of sync although as Whitley and Scrubber so decisively pointed out these are only Metaphysical Ocular Derivatives and not genuine as such.
Mattfb:
If you could have dinner with any 5 people in the world, who would it be?
John Lennon, Allison Krauss, Ian Botham, my neighbours wife and Lassie. Frikkin awesome conversation that would be.
aussie1st:
Wellington/NZ or England?
Definitely Wellington. Such a brilliant city. The waterfront, the culture, the sports, the people, the relaxed atmosphere, nature all around. People cannot imagine how beautiful Wellington is as you look across from Eastbourne over the bay to the city. I miss it real bad…..
King Cricket:
Who, in your opinion, is dumber between George Bush and Lalit Modi?
Well they are not dumb. I might not agree with their thoughts and actions but people don’t get into those positions by being dumb. They are very clever and usually very manipulative. However they are both bent on some kind of world domination. But let’s face it; cricket will die without things like the IPL etcetera.
Pranav:
who do u tink iz da moist stupiderest memba on dis forum?
Well if it was based on grammar and spelling, you are doing a great job! (Joke! Pranav made my awesome signature so I love him to bits!) People who start slagging other off without humour or grace are intolerable. Racist members are the worst and need to be dealt with harshly.
Gazza:
What has been your strangest use of a (conductors) baton.
Ah sweet memories. I once fell in love with a girl whose father played in an orchestra. One day we went to see her father play. But the conductor was suddenly kidnapped by armed men from Bolivia. The orchestra was distraught. Who can play? Who can conduct us they screamed? My girlfriend and I were at that very moment snogging on the balcony of the theater. She did something very rude but pleasant at that moment and I shot up out of my seat. People thought I wanted to have a go. So I was pushed to the front. I struggled and fought but managed to bring that 747 down at Los Angeles airport without anyone being injured…oh wait, getting my stories mixed up.
ZoraxDoom:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Ah, depends on the sort: your Marmota monax generalis will do about 3 cubic meters an hour although some records show that this can tail off towards Groundhog Day. Your Marmota monax lumberjackis will do double this but they do use power tools.
Friend863:
Why Hmarka love you so much?
He finds me sad and pathetic and wants to give my much knocked self-esteem a lift.
KBC:
Intrigued by your user name, or perhaps i didn't read if you've mentioned, were your parents, grandparents, or any from your ancestry, Dutch? Did you ever take a DNA Test in your life?
No I am English through and through though I live in Holland. I have had numerous DNA tests taken in my life but can’t talk about them because of impending court cases.
Treva:
What's your favourite film and why?
It’s a little known Italian film that I was saw about two brothers who own a restaurant. Can’t for the life of me remember what it was called. But the music was beautiful and got me into wanting to play the guitar.
MaD:
Have you every experimented with...
Spies? No, how dare you! Me and Mr Bond are just good friends although I was disappointed to discover why he is called 007. Anyway you mean drugs. Yes I have smoked cannabis and the like. You cannot grow up in a country like Holland and not come across it. I don’t do it anymore as I don’t need it anymore to feel good.
CaptainOZ:
Are you anything like Dutch, the detective in the TV series The Shield? And if so, did you ever figure out who stole the money train?
I am very much like him: fat and lonely. The money train is in a sock under my bed….sshhhh.
BKB1991:
What is your dearest ambition?
I have many, some are way too personal to share. One ambition I am working on at the moment is scoring a century break at snooker. My highest score is 63 so a little way to go yet.
King Pietersen:
Right, you're just wandering about one day when suddenly a masked gunman abducts you, you then wake up, your blindfold taken off and you're in a room with 2 men. The gunman holds his gun to your head and gives you a choice. Your first option is to go off with the other man, Graeme. He's a lovely little fella, nice shaven bald head, nice little Ben Sherman pink shirt, he works for an advertising company in Brighton, drives a sports car, and he loves you dearly.
You then have to live out the life of an outwardly gay man, spending the rest of your days with Graeme. Doing all the activity in the bedroom, going to the bars with him at 3 in the morning, cutting the back out of your leather pants out, just generally being affectionate towards eachother. You end up consummating your relationship with Graeme by getting married. At the end of the service the Vicar then decides to do what they used to do in 'olden times' but instead of saying "you may kiss the bride" he says "you may knob lovely Graeme", and this knobbing happens in-front of half of Brighton.
This may not sound like a fantastic option, and you may be thinking immediately that you'll go for the 2nd one. But, the 2nd option is that your close family and friends are killed, and you then have to live out the rest of your life with a monkey. Living in a tree, with a monkey, eating bananas, other fruit and nuts and just living your life all alone with the monkey.
Your choice. Graeme or Bobo?
So it is either Graeme’s Nuts or Monkey Nuts? I’d go for Greame. I would tell people I had to, to save my family and it was a sacrifice but in actuality I would be a raging heathen troll sex warrior in the bedroom and knob him till he’s arse fell off……..
Highlander999:
As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Each wife had seven sacks
Each sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?
Ah this old chestnut. Well we could go into a deep philosophical conversation about who was going where and in which direction but let’s face it, anyone who decides to go to St Ives needs to be drowned in cider. Although I have understood that the Mormon community thrives in St Ives but there are a lot of RSPCA inspections going on.
blake:
Would you rather feel an incredible pain for 24 hours that is so bad that it makes you scream, or a little nagging pain for your entire lifetime, that isn't bad but it is still always noticeable?
Ah you mean the choice between watching the England cricket team or being married? I’ll take the England cricket team option thank you.
AngryPixel:
Who is the your favorite batsman of these two and why? Chris Martin or Muralidharan
Chris is legend! Absolutely legend. He is a hero, a mammoth figure of pristine talent and ability that all need to strive for. I have had the pleasure of talking to Chris at a twenty20 game. He is a nice bloke with a great sense of humour and goes along brilliantly with his image of being so talentless with the bat.
CaptainOZ:
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Because I spend countless hours sticking sunflower seeds to my naked body using a mixture of honey and walnut paste and then go out dancing around the streets singing:
Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
On the day that you were born
and the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust
in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
CaptainOZ:
Why do bad things happen to good people, and vice versa?
It is karma, both new and old. God’s ways are unknown. We have to accept and carry the weight that has been given to us.
CaptainOZ:
Why are people so unkind?
Dissatisfaction with themselves and the lives they lead. In other words; projection.
CG123:
What smiley do you hate the most on PC???
The flipping banana, especially in conjunction with A) An indian batsman ascending to God-like status and B) Enthuisasm for the next upcoming cricket game release.
Kshitiz_Indian:
I once went to a walk at 11 pm in the night. At one corner I noticed a few dogs barking. Being really afraid of dogs myself I didn't go much near, but I could notice that there were a few dogs in the vicinity, and one dog was constantly running after a bitch who was trying to avoid the dog but couldn't, and every once in a while the dog jumped on top of her whenever he could. Could you please enlighten me what was going on there?
He was fliping her.
Cricketdude:
Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?
Alf A Beth, the famous Griek/English/Jewish letter writer of 567 BC (or ABC as he liked to say!)
Cricketdude:
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Only toothless parrots succeed.
The first question was sent in by a Mr hMarka from Texas: He wrote “Dear Mr Dutchad, is George W Bush a great President? Or was he the greatest President?”
The answer is of course no and no. Although he had a tough time of history to deal with, he probably created most of the problems himself. His whole goal seemed to be focused on getting Saddam for his daddy. He did however give a lot of money and support to Africa and the fight against AIDS. Ronald Reagan is my favourite recent American president.
Scion-sid asks:
Lady Gaga or Britney Spears?
Well it depends what you want me to do with them. If I have to listen to their music or discuss the permutations of global warming with them, then I will pass, but if I am allowed to shag them in a wild threesome in my caravan, then yes.
Sid also asks:
If you can only eat one thing for rest of your life then what will it be?
Well the obvious answer is: food.
Treva asks:
What would be your perfect three course meal?
To start a Mustard and Smoked Salmon soup, then a nice juicy steak with thick, fried potatoes and ample salad and to finish off hot apple crumble with ice cream and custard.
Highlander999:
What is it with women?
Ah women, wonderful creatures. They need to be listened to my friend. Then they are yours and will do anything you like. But first they need to feel as though you are interested in their little problems and insights into life.
Simbazz:
How awesome am I?
If we are using Collins Social Aptitude Module Indicator Test, about a 7.5 on a scale of one to ten. However basing my judgments on how much potential vcash you are willing to give me I would say at least 11 on a scale of one to ten.
hMarka asks:
How did you find Planetcricket and are you active on any other forums?
I bought BLIC 07 (sigh) and was looking for some patches and downloads to make it playable (failed) and stumbled on PC and had to become a member to download anything. However I didn’t start posting till July 2009 and now the rest is history (thank God.)
A very interesting question from ste_mc_efc:
“How come when Old Biff stole the DeLorian and traveled from 2015 to 1955 to give Young Biff the Almanac, why didnt he return to an alternate version of 2015 even though when Marty and the Doc returned to 1985, it was an alternate reality to what they where expecting?”
It really gets me mad when people ask such obvious questions. Jeez. Don’t they teach anything anymore? It’s the Quantum Particle Expressive Field tension (Whitley and Scrubber 1996) that enables certain fragments of time to slip into own speed clusters, parallel to the main cosmic time framework. When gravitational pulsing is stronger (due to solar activity pulses) these fragments can be drawn into mainstream time components thereby seeming to occur out of sync although as Whitley and Scrubber so decisively pointed out these are only Metaphysical Ocular Derivatives and not genuine as such.
Mattfb:
If you could have dinner with any 5 people in the world, who would it be?
John Lennon, Allison Krauss, Ian Botham, my neighbours wife and Lassie. Frikkin awesome conversation that would be.
aussie1st:
Wellington/NZ or England?
Definitely Wellington. Such a brilliant city. The waterfront, the culture, the sports, the people, the relaxed atmosphere, nature all around. People cannot imagine how beautiful Wellington is as you look across from Eastbourne over the bay to the city. I miss it real bad…..
King Cricket:
Who, in your opinion, is dumber between George Bush and Lalit Modi?
Well they are not dumb. I might not agree with their thoughts and actions but people don’t get into those positions by being dumb. They are very clever and usually very manipulative. However they are both bent on some kind of world domination. But let’s face it; cricket will die without things like the IPL etcetera.
Pranav:
who do u tink iz da moist stupiderest memba on dis forum?
Well if it was based on grammar and spelling, you are doing a great job! (Joke! Pranav made my awesome signature so I love him to bits!) People who start slagging other off without humour or grace are intolerable. Racist members are the worst and need to be dealt with harshly.
Gazza:
What has been your strangest use of a (conductors) baton.
Ah sweet memories. I once fell in love with a girl whose father played in an orchestra. One day we went to see her father play. But the conductor was suddenly kidnapped by armed men from Bolivia. The orchestra was distraught. Who can play? Who can conduct us they screamed? My girlfriend and I were at that very moment snogging on the balcony of the theater. She did something very rude but pleasant at that moment and I shot up out of my seat. People thought I wanted to have a go. So I was pushed to the front. I struggled and fought but managed to bring that 747 down at Los Angeles airport without anyone being injured…oh wait, getting my stories mixed up.
ZoraxDoom:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Ah, depends on the sort: your Marmota monax generalis will do about 3 cubic meters an hour although some records show that this can tail off towards Groundhog Day. Your Marmota monax lumberjackis will do double this but they do use power tools.
Friend863:
Why Hmarka love you so much?
He finds me sad and pathetic and wants to give my much knocked self-esteem a lift.
KBC:
Intrigued by your user name, or perhaps i didn't read if you've mentioned, were your parents, grandparents, or any from your ancestry, Dutch? Did you ever take a DNA Test in your life?
No I am English through and through though I live in Holland. I have had numerous DNA tests taken in my life but can’t talk about them because of impending court cases.
Treva:
What's your favourite film and why?
It’s a little known Italian film that I was saw about two brothers who own a restaurant. Can’t for the life of me remember what it was called. But the music was beautiful and got me into wanting to play the guitar.
MaD:
Have you every experimented with...
Spies? No, how dare you! Me and Mr Bond are just good friends although I was disappointed to discover why he is called 007. Anyway you mean drugs. Yes I have smoked cannabis and the like. You cannot grow up in a country like Holland and not come across it. I don’t do it anymore as I don’t need it anymore to feel good.
CaptainOZ:
Are you anything like Dutch, the detective in the TV series The Shield? And if so, did you ever figure out who stole the money train?
I am very much like him: fat and lonely. The money train is in a sock under my bed….sshhhh.
BKB1991:
What is your dearest ambition?
I have many, some are way too personal to share. One ambition I am working on at the moment is scoring a century break at snooker. My highest score is 63 so a little way to go yet.
King Pietersen:
Right, you're just wandering about one day when suddenly a masked gunman abducts you, you then wake up, your blindfold taken off and you're in a room with 2 men. The gunman holds his gun to your head and gives you a choice. Your first option is to go off with the other man, Graeme. He's a lovely little fella, nice shaven bald head, nice little Ben Sherman pink shirt, he works for an advertising company in Brighton, drives a sports car, and he loves you dearly.
You then have to live out the life of an outwardly gay man, spending the rest of your days with Graeme. Doing all the activity in the bedroom, going to the bars with him at 3 in the morning, cutting the back out of your leather pants out, just generally being affectionate towards eachother. You end up consummating your relationship with Graeme by getting married. At the end of the service the Vicar then decides to do what they used to do in 'olden times' but instead of saying "you may kiss the bride" he says "you may knob lovely Graeme", and this knobbing happens in-front of half of Brighton.
This may not sound like a fantastic option, and you may be thinking immediately that you'll go for the 2nd one. But, the 2nd option is that your close family and friends are killed, and you then have to live out the rest of your life with a monkey. Living in a tree, with a monkey, eating bananas, other fruit and nuts and just living your life all alone with the monkey.
Your choice. Graeme or Bobo?
So it is either Graeme’s Nuts or Monkey Nuts? I’d go for Greame. I would tell people I had to, to save my family and it was a sacrifice but in actuality I would be a raging heathen troll sex warrior in the bedroom and knob him till he’s arse fell off……..
Highlander999:
As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Each wife had seven sacks
Each sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?
Ah this old chestnut. Well we could go into a deep philosophical conversation about who was going where and in which direction but let’s face it, anyone who decides to go to St Ives needs to be drowned in cider. Although I have understood that the Mormon community thrives in St Ives but there are a lot of RSPCA inspections going on.
blake:
Would you rather feel an incredible pain for 24 hours that is so bad that it makes you scream, or a little nagging pain for your entire lifetime, that isn't bad but it is still always noticeable?
Ah you mean the choice between watching the England cricket team or being married? I’ll take the England cricket team option thank you.
AngryPixel:
Who is the your favorite batsman of these two and why? Chris Martin or Muralidharan
Chris is legend! Absolutely legend. He is a hero, a mammoth figure of pristine talent and ability that all need to strive for. I have had the pleasure of talking to Chris at a twenty20 game. He is a nice bloke with a great sense of humour and goes along brilliantly with his image of being so talentless with the bat.
CaptainOZ:
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Because I spend countless hours sticking sunflower seeds to my naked body using a mixture of honey and walnut paste and then go out dancing around the streets singing:
Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
On the day that you were born
and the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust
in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
CaptainOZ:
Why do bad things happen to good people, and vice versa?
It is karma, both new and old. God’s ways are unknown. We have to accept and carry the weight that has been given to us.
CaptainOZ:
Why are people so unkind?
Dissatisfaction with themselves and the lives they lead. In other words; projection.
CG123:
What smiley do you hate the most on PC???
The flipping banana, especially in conjunction with A) An indian batsman ascending to God-like status and B) Enthuisasm for the next upcoming cricket game release.
Kshitiz_Indian:
I once went to a walk at 11 pm in the night. At one corner I noticed a few dogs barking. Being really afraid of dogs myself I didn't go much near, but I could notice that there were a few dogs in the vicinity, and one dog was constantly running after a bitch who was trying to avoid the dog but couldn't, and every once in a while the dog jumped on top of her whenever he could. Could you please enlighten me what was going on there?
He was fliping her.
Cricketdude:
Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?
Alf A Beth, the famous Griek/English/Jewish letter writer of 567 BC (or ABC as he liked to say!)
Cricketdude:
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Only toothless parrots succeed.
Last edited:
Good stuff mate, another donation coming up 
