The funny thread

A

Admin

Guest
Before I start just a quick word of warning.

Many jokes tend to be a little bit on the more "mature" side and since many minors frequent this forum try to keep it clean :thumbs:
 
A

Admin

Guest
A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her just a little out of the corner of his left eye.
 
A

Admin

Guest
Ony for broadband users (32 MB)

http://download.divx.com/showcase/kb2.divx

Not so much funny as really innovative and stylish

3D World Magazine ranks Killer Bean 2 as #28 in the 50 Greatest 3D Projects Ever. KB2 beat out such movies as Babe, Men In Black, Panic Room, The Lion King, Gladiator, and even Spiderman!


Plus it has some killer special effects :bow:
 
A

Admin

Guest
Real 911 Calls

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What's the
nature of your
emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only
two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband




Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out
of breath. Darn ... I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. mooo! ......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you
an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started
having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
 
A

Admin

Guest
Just one more for today ;)


Some kids were in the habit of teasing one of their group by repeatedly offering him a choice between a nickel and a dime. He always chose the nickel, "because it's bigger."

One day, a friend took him aside and asked, "Don't you know that a dime's worth more than a nickel?"

The kid answered, "Yeah, but if I picked the dime they'd stop doing it!"
 
R

ramboy

Guest
Here r some


A friend asks X how was his exam?
X: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK.
I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'

Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in
it?
X: Post office

X's lover asks him,"Dear, if we get engaged, will u give
me a ring?"
"Sure" replies X. "Whats ur phone no?"



After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian
scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and
came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone
network one
thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug
200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US
scientists have found
traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded
that their
ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone
1000 years
earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Indian newspapers reported the
following: "After
digging as deep as 500 metres, Indian scientists have
found absolutely
nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their
ancestors were
already using mobile phones & wire less communication."
 
I

imported_fastbreaker

Guest
Heres one:

Once upon a time, there were 3 mental hospital patients. The first ones name was Crazy, the second
Nothing and the third, None.The 3 of them checked in to a Hotel. When None got into the room, he
immediately jumped out the window! Nothing told Crazy to go call the police! And this is what Crazy said: Hi, I'm calling for Nothing because None jumped out of the window! The police replied: Are you crazy? Then Crazy replied: Well yes! How did you know?
 
R

ramboy

Guest
Why is that sardarji's in india and blondes all over the world are made fun of??does anyone have any idea,Infact Sardarji's r considered to be brainy people...
They r portrayed as the most dumb charachter...
we r lucky that we don't have a sardar in our forum,otherwise he may get angry reading these jokes
 

barmyarmy

Retired Administrator
Joined
Mar 12, 2003
Location
Edinburgh
Something to make you think:

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

Q1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Q2: It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

Q3

Here is the World's Easiest Test. You should be able to get 100% on this one. Answers BELOW

How long did the hundred year war last?
Which country makes Panama hats?
From what animal do we get catgut?
In what month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
What is Camel's hair brush made from?
The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
What was King George VI's first name?
What color is a Purple Finch?
Where are Chinese Gooseberries from?
How long did the Thirty Years War last?



ANSWERS
Q1
Answer to the abortion question - if you said yes, you just killed Beethoven

Q2 .
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

Q3

116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
Ecuador.
From sheep and horses.
November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
Squirrel fur.
The Latin name was Insularia Canaria -- Island of the Dogs.
Albert. In 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.
Distinctively crimson.
New Zealand.
30 years of course. 1618 to 1648.
 

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