Darwin Awards

[madmattg]

This story is still developing, as it happened just yesterday. So this might become a Darwin award in the near future. For now it's just an honourable mention, although we can be pretty sure he won't be passing many genes around for the first few years.
Driving can be a boring thing. Our hero, a 19 year old male from the Dutch town of Blerick, had the perfect solution to fight boredom while driving. While driving the A67 highway during the night after eastersunday, he decided to impress his two passengers by putting the car on cruise-control at 20 Mph, get out of the car and run alongside it. Afterwards he would get in and drive on. While the entertainment value of this stunt is easy to see, our friend underestimated the speed of a car driving at 20 Mph. The moment he got out of the car, he fell over and slammed headfirst into the asphalt.

He now is in hospital with severe braindamage, and his condition is critical. One might wonder how braindamage could occur here, as it seems he didn't have much of a brain to begin with. Even if he lives, he deserves a place in these pages.


EINDHOVEN - A 19 year old male from Blerick, Limburg got severely wounded during the night of sunday to monday on the highway A67 (Eindhoven to Venlo). The man wanted to pull a stunt with his car near Deurne. This was confirmed by the police on monday.

According to witnesses he wanted to show his two friends, who were in the car with him, what he could do. He set the cruise-control of the car to 35 kilometers per hour en got out of the car to run along side the vehicle. He fell while doing thos. The man has been submitted to the Eindhoven hospital with severe brain-injuries. His condition is alarming, according to a police spokesman.

 

[madmattg]

This is another gem from the Short Stay Unit in Frankston Hospital:
In Australia, there was an ad campaign which encouraged parents to supervise their kids while they swam in the pool. Our Honorable Mention was one of these parents.

He was watching his kids play in the pool in the backyard. They had an aboveground pool with a trampoline next to it. The kids had a great time jumping from the trampoline into the pool. The Dad thought that would b fun.

However the Dad didnt jump from the trampoline but from the roof of the nearby garden shed. He summoned up all of his cretinous courage and leaped:

He landed on the trampoline square in the center. The trampoline launched the 40-something Dad into the air.

Dad cleared the pool...

And the back fence...

And landed on his neighbour's windscreen backside first.

It gets better. He was stuck! He couldnt get out! He called out to his kids but they were laughing to hard to get mum

He needed several stiches in his rear end and payment of his neighbours windscreen. Unfortunately the neighbour didnt see this astronaut otherwise his enforcement of payment for the windscreen perhaps would have been more lenient

The kids? Once they regained composure (apparantly a good five minutes) they went straight back jumping trampoline-to-pool.

 

[madmattg]

Our county has convenience dumps located around the county that feed into the main dump. These dumps are manned by personnel whose job it is to sit there and monitor the dumping contents and make sure only county residents are using the facilities. One keen eyed individual working the Cave Spring, GA location noticed a bottle in the compactor that looked suspiciously like homemade wine. He then proceeds to fish the bottle out of the compactor. At this point I?m sure you think this is a ?man crushed in compactor? story ? but no! After getting the bottle out of the compactor the gentleman in question and another local man who witnessed these events proceed to drink the concoction identified by the aforementioned wine connoisseur. The contents turned out to be antifreeze poisoning and killing one of the men. You would think that the fact it was thrown away in a dump would have led to the reasonable conclusion that the contents were undrinkable but that is nature?s way of protecting us I guess.

 

[madmattg]

Man drowned after Wisconsin belly flop contest
BELOIT, Wis. -- A belly flop contest in the Rock River turned tragic, when one contestant drowned. Three men jumped about 20 feet from a bridge into the cold water Saturday, when the 52-year-old man jumped. ``He came up more than three times,'' said another contestant, who was waiting for his turn in the contest. ``Then he went under and they couldn't find him.'' The contest was supposed to take place at the dock behind the bar that sponsored the contest, but the other men decided to jump from the bridge. Efforts to find him Saturday and Sunday were unsuccessful, and the full-fledged search has been suspended. An onlooker, of Janesville, said he did not understand why the man jumped from the bridge. ``HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM!,'' his friend said

 

[madmattg]

POMPANO BEACH, Fla. -- Two men were injured when their fishing boat exploded as it left the dock.

Richard Bastiani, 47, of Fort Lauderdale, was transferred to the burn unit at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami and released Sunday, hospital officials said.

Harry Unger, 44, of Fort Lauderdale, was treated Sunday at the emergency room at North Broward Medical Center in Pompano Beach and released.

The explosion happened just after 6 a.m. Sunday at the Alsdorf Park boat ramp on the Intracoastal Waterway. The impact threw both men to the deck of the boat before they scrambled to safety, Pompano Beach Fire-Rescue spokeswoman Sandra King said.

"Apparently, they were in a vapor cloud, and that's what caused the explosion," King said.

King said that before the explosion, the men stopped at a gas station to fill up the boat. One of the men apparently pumped the gas through one of the fishing-rod holders, sending the fuel throughout other parts of the boat instead of the fuel tank.

They put the boat in the water at the boat ramp and sparked the explosion when they started the engine. The explosion engulfed the 26-foot boat and destroyed it as well as damaging part of the nearby dock. It took firefighters 10 minutes to bring the blaze under control.

 

[madmattg]

This event occurred several years ago in Wyoming. It was the last day of a week long hiking trip in the mountinous backcountry. During this trip we had been doing some glacier travel, so had an abundance of "sharp pointy things" called ice axes. At the end of the trip we also had a gallon of white gas in a metal container, which, for those of you who are unfamiliar with camping, is extremely flammable.

Two of my fellow hikers, Mike, a P.H.D who taught college-level physics and Andy, who had recently graduated in the top 10% of his college class, were standing on either sides of the firepit talking. Mike leaning on an ice axe, and andy holding the gas can. For reasons unknown to anyone but himself, Mike, in an attempt to scare Andy, suddenly took the ice axe and swung at Andy.

Andy, out of sheer reflex, lifted raised his arms to block the blow.

The ice axe point pierced several inches through the metal container holding the highly flammable fluid.

They both starred at each other in stunned silence for several seconds. Suddenly realizing the potential for disaster, they both dropped the items and ran, letting the gas can fall harmlessly to the ground, spilling the majority of its contents over the wood in the fire pit.

When they realized that it wasn't going to explode, they retrieved the ice axe and now empty gas can.

Andy, good naturly smiled and said without any hesitation, "lets start the fire so we can cook dinner", lit a match, and dropped in onto the fire that had just been soaked in nearly a gallon of white gas.

The resulting fireball singed all the hair off his arm and nearly lit the trees above the firepit on fire.

 

[madmattg]

29 January 2003, Brazil) At work, Manoel Messias Batista Coelho was responsible for cleaning out the storage tanks of gasoline tanker trucks. He had been employed in that capacity for two months when he ran afoul of fuel.
The 35-year-old began to fill a tanker with water, a standard safety procedure that forces flammable vapor out of the container. He returned an hour later to check whether the water level was high enough to proceed. But he had trouble deciding, because it was so DARK inside the tanker.

A resourceful employee, Manoel forgot the very reason why he was filling the tank with water when he lit a cigarette lighter to shed some light on the situation. His little test successfully determined that the water level was NOT yet high enough for safety. The vapor explosion launched him through the air, and he landed in the company parking lot 100 meters away.

Manoel suffered severe burns, blunt force trauma, and an injury to the head that exposed his brain. Our witless car washer had learned his terminal lesson in safety by the time the firemen arrived.

 

[madmattg]

Three men wielding knives tried to rob a slaughterhouse. But when it comes to hand to hand combat with sharp blades, butchers working in a slaughterhouse are more than a match for your average thief. They stabbed two of the intruders to death. The third man escaped from the angry butchers and fled in his car.
Police soon spotted him, and after a brief car chase, the would-be thief pulled over and leapt from his vehicle. But instead of fleeing into the underbrush, he tried to dodge heavy traffic and escape across the highway. Perhaps he thought that threatening butchers with knives was not a sufficient demonstration of his intelligence.

Within seconds, the natural justice system meted out his punishment in the form of a large truck, which struck and killed him.

 

[madmattg]

Ignoring Coast Guard warnings, David Manley ventured onto the icy surface of Saginaw Bay with his pickup truck one chilly morning. Predictably, the vehicle broke through the ice, but the 41-year-old managed to avert tragedy and escape from the sinking truck. He reached the shore wet and cold, but alive.
Despite his traumatic experience, and despite a day of sunshine and warm temperatures in the 60s, David returned to Saginaw Bay late the following night. This time he was driving an all-terrain vehicle, and accompanied by a friend. Surprise! The ATV also plunged through the ice.

His companion survived, but David had used up his luck. His body was recovered by the Coast Guard southwest of the Channel Islands. An autopsy was scheduled to determine whether anything besides a desire to win a Darwin Award was a factor in his demise.

 

[madmattg]

Phil needed to make repairs to the underside of his car. But when he jacked it up, there wasn't enough room for him to work. So he removed the car's battery, placed the jack on top of it, and set to work again, this time with plenty of elbow-room.
Unfortunately for Phil, car batteries are not designed to carry much weight. The battery collapsed and the jack toppled, trapping him beneath the car. Unable to breathe due to the weight on his chest, he quickly expired in a pool of battery acid.

This incident is illuminated by two additional facts: First, Phil's occupation was Accident Prevention Officer at a large food processing plant. And second, ten years previous, he had been working under a car when the jack collapsed, trapping him and breaking one of his legs. Some people just don't learn -- even from their own mistakes.

 

[madmattg]

Regarding accidental deaths during the construction of a subway in New Delhi, the New York Times wrote, "One of those killed was an unlucky thief who tried to steal braces holding up a concrete slab; it fell and killed him."

 

[madmattg]

A man was found lying facedown, covered in mud and blood, the apparent the victim of a street crime in Dili, the capital of East Timor. It was not until a post mortem examination was conducted that U.N. police were able to reconstruct his last moments. This up-and-coming young man decided that it was cool to shove his weapons, two long knives, down the waistband of his trousers. Unsheathed. The hapless fellow jumped over a small fence and landed in a large puddle of mud. He slipped, which sent the blade of his "trouser knife" into his leg, severing his femoral artery. He bled to death before he could stagger ten feet from the puddle.

 

[madmattg]

When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald?s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I?ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."
During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I?ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"

Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn?t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion.

Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.

 

[madmattg]

When his brakes failed while driving down a steep mountain road, Marco bailed out on his eight passengers and leapt from his Dodge van. Too bad Marco didn't alert the others to the problem before he took flight so precipitously. Another passenger was able to bring the vehicle to a stop a short distance away. Marco struck his head on the pavement and died at the scene. No one else was injured.

 

[madmattg]

We all enjoy learning from the past. Reflect back to November 24, 1971, aboard a Northwest Orient Airlines flight in Portland. A man who had purchased his ticket under the name of "Dan Cooper" demanded two hundred thousand dollars in cash and four parachutes. The plane made a landing in Seattle to accommodate his requests and disgorge the passengers. Once the plane was back in the air, Cooper asked how to lower the tail stairs, and then ordered the flight attendant out of the cabin. When the plane landed in Reno, the tail stairs were open and Cooper and the money were gone.

For all his cool demeanor, Cooper had the crosshairs of evolution on him when he decided to jump. There was a freezing rainstorm outside, and the wind chill from the plane's velocity dropped the effective temperature to -60 degrees Fahrenheit. To seal his fate, he jumped with no food or survival gear into a heavily wooded forest in winter at night.

The peanuts provided on the plane were just not enough to sustain his life. It is assumed that the man the FBI called D. B. Cooper died in the mountains or hit the Columbia River and drowned. History, then, teaches us that one cannot jump out of an airplane and survive. You would think that a hijacker would know better, but?

We turn to Davao City in the Philippines this year. Augusto was a man with a mission. He boarded a Philippine Air flight to Manila, and donned a ski mask and swim goggles. Then he pulled out a gun and a grenade and announced that he was hijacking the plane. Apparently security is a bit lax at the Davao City airport.

He demanded that the plane return to Davao City, but the pilots convinced him that the aircraft was low on fuel, and they continued on toward Manila. Augusto, undaunted, robbed the passengers of about $25,000 and ordered the pilots to lower the plane to 6,500 feet.

When a lunatic with a gun orders you to descend, you descend. Meanwhile, Augusto strapped a homemade parachute onto his back, and forced the flight attendants to open the door and depressurize the plane.

He probably intended to jump, but the wind was so strong that he had trouble getting out of the plane. Finally one of the flight attendants helpfully pushed him out the door, just as he pulled the pin from the grenade. He threw the pin (oops!) into the cabin, and fell toward the earth carrying the business end of the grenade in his hand.

The impact of Augusto hitting the earth at terminal velocity had little effect on the earth's orbit. All that remained aboveground were Augusto's two hands.


So history repeats itself with a new twist.

1. Don't throw yourself out of a perfectly good airplane.

2. If you feel compelled to violate Lesson 1, at least don't roll your own... parachute, that is.