Ayub 95
Club Cricketer
1. Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb out swinger, and Thomas said “It’s red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces.” Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies, “Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!”
2. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. “I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred”. The reply is classic Trueman, “Not you, son. Your mother should’ve!”
3. That’s Glenn McGrath … what a b**tard. - Mick Jagger
4. Shastri hits it to Aussie’s 12th man and looks for a single.
This guy gets the ball in and says, “if you leave the crease I’ll break your f***ing head.”
Shastri: “If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the f***ing 12th man.”
5. Mark Waugh : F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.
6. Bowl the b**tard a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead! - Yabba
7. What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can’t have a f***ing glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us. - Allan Border to Robin Smith
8. Q: What’s your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.
9. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham - When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: “So how’s your wife & my kids?”
10. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
“So what does Brian Lara’s d*** taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath(losing it): “If you ever effing mention my wife again, I’ll effing rip your effing throat out.
11. Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney.Ian Healy replies - “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!”
12. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you’re useless now”.
Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly s**t & now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb.”
13. McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: “Why are you so fat?” Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: “Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit.” Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
14. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes was less than impressed when Javed called him a “fat bus conductor” as the pair squared up to one another. A few balls later, Hughes got his man and as Javed walked past, could not resist shouting “Tickets, please!”
15. Steve Waugh in his last Test comes up to bat. Parthiv: “So this is your last Test…show us some of that famous sledging of yours.”
Steve: “Respect me… For when I made my Test debut you were still in your nappies”
16 .“Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid.” - Ian Botham
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2. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. “I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred”. The reply is classic Trueman, “Not you, son. Your mother should’ve!”
3. That’s Glenn McGrath … what a b**tard. - Mick Jagger
4. Shastri hits it to Aussie’s 12th man and looks for a single.
This guy gets the ball in and says, “if you leave the crease I’ll break your f***ing head.”
Shastri: “If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the f***ing 12th man.”
5. Mark Waugh : F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.
6. Bowl the b**tard a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead! - Yabba
7. What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can’t have a f***ing glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us. - Allan Border to Robin Smith
8. Q: What’s your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.
9. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham - When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: “So how’s your wife & my kids?”
10. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
“So what does Brian Lara’s d*** taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath(losing it): “If you ever effing mention my wife again, I’ll effing rip your effing throat out.
11. Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney.Ian Healy replies - “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!”
12. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you’re useless now”.
Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly s**t & now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb.”
13. McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: “Why are you so fat?” Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: “Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit.” Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
14. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes was less than impressed when Javed called him a “fat bus conductor” as the pair squared up to one another. A few balls later, Hughes got his man and as Javed walked past, could not resist shouting “Tickets, please!”
15. Steve Waugh in his last Test comes up to bat. Parthiv: “So this is your last Test…show us some of that famous sledging of yours.”
Steve: “Respect me… For when I made my Test debut you were still in your nappies”
16 .“Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid.” - Ian Botham
Keep posting more in this topic.
