Neon's SMS jokes

[neon]

Wife: You've been reading our wedding certificate for the last two hours? What r u looking for?

Husband: The expiry date.
----------------------------------------------------------------
The last 2 stages of giving birth: Breath in, breath out
The last two stages of death: Cough out, coffin
----------------------------------------------------------------
Wife looks into the mirror and tells her husband, " I look horrible, fat and ugly. Please say something nice to make me feel better?"

Husband: Your eyesight is perfect.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Future inventions that will rock the world:
1. Waterproof towel
2. Solar powered torch.
3. Book on how to read.
4. Pedal powered wheelchair.
5. Umbrella with holes to see if it is raining or not.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Sweet insults:
1. I love you... but I have bad taste.
2. Thats a cute shirt. What did you do with the rest of the table cloth?
3. You being an outsider, I would like to know your opinion about the human race.
4. I would like to help you out... Which way did you come in?
----------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you liked them. I'll post more later.

 

[icyman]

This one is based on the mobile subscirber Hutch-Orange .

A hutch customer gets married and soon his wife is pregnant.
The wife gives birth to a boy and a dog.
The moral of the story-Wheverer you go,our network follows(hutch slogan).


For those who do not know -the dog is hutch's mascot.

Dirty jokes : If you feel offended do not read further.

2. What is the similarity between a coffee and a girlfriend?
a. both are hot
b.both are creamy
c. both keep u awake at night.

3.A man was looking at a painting for a long time.
In the painting was a woman whose body had been covered with leaves.
When asked why he was looking for so long,he replied "waiting for autumn."

4.Wife is dreaming in while sleeping and suddenly shouts'
"Quick,my husdand is back" .Man next to her jumps out of the window then realizes'
SH it , I'm the husband."


5.Why women wear panties with flowers on them?
Ans: To pay tribute to the men who got buried in those places.

 

[duffarama]

Great jokes.
Iceman, they weren't that dirty so I wont delete them.
Cheers.

 

[Cowburn199]

Haha very funny

 

[Ronan_UK]

4. Pedal powered wheelchair.

Dearie me...

 

[usy]

good guy >> herez mines .. not funny r they

================================================================

A man goes to the ugly contest . but they sent him back they said no profesionals..

================================================================

boy :: dad i will not call you and mum to my wedding

Dad :: why

Boy :: did uz call me to ur wedding



i know soo many but when it comes to remembering can get any . sorry , if u thought i was just daft ... SORRY

 

[Cowburn199]

Hmm the ugly one made me smile but i dont understand the boy and dad one really :|

 

[icyman]

Another one:
A boy goes for a blood test.Nurse
takes sample but does not find cotton.
so she sucks his finger.Boy is very happy and ask
for a urine test.

 

[Cowburn199]

Haha :laugh :laugh now thats good !

 

[icyman]

more coming...

 

[Cowburn199]

Hurry up