The Official Poetry Thread

[afridi25]

Hi i am 12 and must hand this poem i n by mon. can u please rate this and maybe this could be a poetry thread where u post poetry



THE SUN SHALL SHINE


This is the place I shall review the land.
A place of sorrow and depression.
War torn land and war torn hearts.
But the sun still shines a glimmer of hope.

Footprints hidden beneath rocks
From millions of years a go.
No shadows remain here and nothing grows.
But the sun still shines a glimmer of hope.

Here runs a road into town. Made of mud
and rock with craters near the sand. A Road
so deserted where no one roams and no one calls home.
But the sun still shines a glimmer of hope.

The trees and plants lay still on the path.
Nothing can make them grow at all.
The blossoms in the grass shall never open.
But the sun still shines a glimmer of hope.

Through the closed blinds the golden sun shines.
As Richard has his eyes closed in prayer.
The prayer was uttered but nothing even stuttered.
But the sun still shines a glimmer of hope.

In my heart I prayed with him for hours.
But then a bird sang.
Alas, the city was changing and our prayers, were answered
But the sun still shines a glimmer of hope.

The memory of the past fades and a new life
Is started. The air whistles a low and everlasting sigh
For the war torn town is no longer there.
And the sun shines forever

 

[manee]

Quite good...im only 14 and remember poetry writing last year...a have a few tips

From millions of years a go.

Bit clumsy...from centuries on end?

A Road

Shudn't be capital letter.

The memory of the past fades and a new life
Is started.

Aviod conjunctions like and...short phrases are better...

The memory of a past life fades,
A new life started.

 

[afridi25]

Thanx mate i appreciate your help i have edited it in word.

 

[manee]

The work is good with just a few errors...e.g. Try to avoid using the word "but" too much or at all because its a horrible word for poems...

Please tell me how you do...with these changes I reckon you could get an A

 

[afridi25]

My best subject is Maths and English is second so i reckon i should get a B plus or maybe an A i will let u know

 

[aryan_6668]

yo guys can u please send me a urdu or hindi romantic poem.i wanna send it to my girlfriend.
thanks

 

[blackleopard92]

why don't we make this thread the official poem thread.People can posts all creative poem, songs and loads of other creative material.

I have a song in my mind, would type and post it here!

 

[afridi25]

Thats what i said at the top will change tittle later.

 

[ZoraxDoom]

I've written plenty of poems. Last year I wrote 2 for the class elocution, and I even wrote on form my sister! Here is the one I wrote for my elocution this year, but it got cancelled.

 

[Adarsh]

yo guys can u please send me a urdu or hindi romantic poem.i wanna send it to my girlfriend.
thanks

Dude, you should make your own poem, I don't think your girlfriend is going to like it if she knew I wrote a poem for her, not you !!!

 

[blackleopard92]

Dude, you should make your own poem, I don't think your girlfriend is going to like it if she knew I wrote a poem for her, not you !!!

yeah!

the biggest thing that can happen is your GF, impressed by Adarsh's poetry, ditches u and goes to him!

 

[aryan_6668]

c'mon dudes!! she won't find out
she loves me a lot i trust her

 

[ZoraxDoom]

c'mon dudes!! she won't find out
she loves me a lot i trust her

And I bet she trusts you...
You are such a good BF :