jkartik
Chairman of Selectors
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him
after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm sorry to hear about the
attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any
documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to
you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I
would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that........
Bush : What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush : It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDARJI JOKES
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep. ?Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMPLOYMENT. Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected?: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROCODILE BOOTS. Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims 71st and *again* bare feet!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai
ghar pe nahin hai"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (He already has one and he wants one more?) He takes a photocopy of the white paper!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We?ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA?????"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell
the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don?t sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I?m a Sardar?? "Because that's a microwave," he replied.?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a Sardarji talking with his friend...
Sardarji: I have to learn Bengali language within 6 months otherwise
I will not be able to communicate with my child.
Friend: Is it! Why?
Sardarji: We have adopted a Bengali child and it will start to speak
after 6 months.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After death, Sardarji reached the door of the heaven smoothly.
There he met gate keeping angel, the angel said, 'Well, Sardarji. It
is nice to talk to you but we have changed our policy these days. I
will ask you a question and you need to answer it correctly before
you go in. Sardarji with lot of self confidence told Saint Peter to
go ahead and ask him the damn question.
Angel: How many seconds are there in a year?
Sardarji: After lot of thought, answered,' twelve'.
Angel asked him - But how?
Sardarji: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..........
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was searching high and low, all over the living room.
His wife asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"
Sardarji: "Hidden cameras!"
Wife: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"
Sardarji: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television
saying 'you are watching the Star World channel'?" How can he know
what I am watching?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Titanic is sinking; everybody in the ship is shouting, crying,
running or praying to God... Just then an Italian asks the nearby
Sardarji in the ship.
Italian: How far is land from here?
Sardarji: Two miles.
Italian: Only two miles!? Then why are these fools making noise. I
have got the experience of swimming even more.
Sardarji:???
(The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the
layer to ask something again)
Italian: Just tell me which side land is two miles from here?
Sardarji: Downwards.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer : The Below Jokes Can Be Best Understood When Read By Indians or the people who know Hindi
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Bruce Lee
1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
Ans: Mu Lee
2) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?
Ans: Tha Lee
3) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
Ans: Kha Lee
4) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
Ans: Saa Lee
5) Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
Ans: Id Lee
6) Bruce Lee's favorite festival
Ans: Diwa Lee
7) Bruce Lee's favorite Actress
Ans: Sona lee
8) Bruce Lee's favorite Music
Ans: Qawa lee
9) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?
Ans: Coo Lee
10) When did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: Final Lee
11) How did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: with a Go Lee
12) What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station?
Ans: Kulu Mana Lee
13) What is Bruce Lee's nickname?
Ans: Mawa Lee
14) What is Bruce Lee's favorite Hindi movie?
Ans: Gharwa LEE Baharwa LEE
15) Who is Bruce Lee's favorite cricketer?
Ans: Saurav Gangu LEE
16) Which God does Bruce Lee pray too?
Ans: Bajrang ba LEE
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amitabh: Apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne?
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?
Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai?
(He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A) But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do lifeline hai...(50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de...
Computer:
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake. But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend.
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga..........
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm sorry to hear about the
attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any
documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to
you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I
would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that........
Bush : What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush : It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDARJI JOKES
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep. ?Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMPLOYMENT. Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected?: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROCODILE BOOTS. Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims 71st and *again* bare feet!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai
ghar pe nahin hai"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (He already has one and he wants one more?) He takes a photocopy of the white paper!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We?ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA?????"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell
the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don?t sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I?m a Sardar?? "Because that's a microwave," he replied.?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a Sardarji talking with his friend...
Sardarji: I have to learn Bengali language within 6 months otherwise
I will not be able to communicate with my child.
Friend: Is it! Why?
Sardarji: We have adopted a Bengali child and it will start to speak
after 6 months.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After death, Sardarji reached the door of the heaven smoothly.
There he met gate keeping angel, the angel said, 'Well, Sardarji. It
is nice to talk to you but we have changed our policy these days. I
will ask you a question and you need to answer it correctly before
you go in. Sardarji with lot of self confidence told Saint Peter to
go ahead and ask him the damn question.
Angel: How many seconds are there in a year?
Sardarji: After lot of thought, answered,' twelve'.
Angel asked him - But how?
Sardarji: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..........
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji was searching high and low, all over the living room.
His wife asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"
Sardarji: "Hidden cameras!"
Wife: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"
Sardarji: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television
saying 'you are watching the Star World channel'?" How can he know
what I am watching?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Titanic is sinking; everybody in the ship is shouting, crying,
running or praying to God... Just then an Italian asks the nearby
Sardarji in the ship.
Italian: How far is land from here?
Sardarji: Two miles.
Italian: Only two miles!? Then why are these fools making noise. I
have got the experience of swimming even more.
Sardarji:???
(The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the
layer to ask something again)
Italian: Just tell me which side land is two miles from here?
Sardarji: Downwards.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer : The Below Jokes Can Be Best Understood When Read By Indians or the people who know Hindi
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Bruce Lee
1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
Ans: Mu Lee
2) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?
Ans: Tha Lee
3) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
Ans: Kha Lee
4) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
Ans: Saa Lee
5) Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
Ans: Id Lee
6) Bruce Lee's favorite festival
Ans: Diwa Lee
7) Bruce Lee's favorite Actress
Ans: Sona lee
8) Bruce Lee's favorite Music
Ans: Qawa lee
9) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?
Ans: Coo Lee
10) When did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: Final Lee
11) How did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: with a Go Lee
12) What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station?
Ans: Kulu Mana Lee
13) What is Bruce Lee's nickname?
Ans: Mawa Lee
14) What is Bruce Lee's favorite Hindi movie?
Ans: Gharwa LEE Baharwa LEE
15) Who is Bruce Lee's favorite cricketer?
Ans: Saurav Gangu LEE
16) Which God does Bruce Lee pray too?
Ans: Bajrang ba LEE
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amitabh: Apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne?
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?
Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai?
(He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A) But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do lifeline hai...(50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de...
Computer:
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake. But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend.
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga..........
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited:
:. Runs of to the chatroom to @$&# me off 
