Stupid Questions

[The Spin]

Heres some funny questions

Thanks to these contributers: Duff, Zorax

Why is "Grecian 2000" only for men?

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

Is it because light travels faster than sound that some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow how cold will it be?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

If man evolved from monkey and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Before they invented drawing boards what did they go back to?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called the tourist season if you can't shoot them?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash why isn't the whole plane made out of the same stuff?

Why do eggplants neither taste, nor look like eggs?

If olive oil is made of olives, and sunflower oil is made of sunflowers, then what is baby oil made of?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

 

[duffarama]

Very hilarious questions there Chez, however I have heard most of them before. Although it is always heart-warming to reminisce isn't it?

Here's one for you: Why doesn't an egg plant taste or look like an egg?

 

[ZoraxDoom]

Very hilarious questions there Chez,

I think he's the Spin mate
One more:
If olive oil is made of olives, and sunflower oil is made out of sunflowers, what is baby oild made out of?

 

[The Spin]

No he calls me Chez because that is my actual nickname. I have added yours to my list and some more of my own

Instead of making a new thread, here is some good ways to get rid of a telesales call:

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

If they say they're Freg Bloggs from XYZ Company, as them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

This works great if you are male: telesales: "Hi, my name is Sue and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a really husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

Cry out in surprise, "Se! Is that you? Oh my God! Sue, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Sue a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If BT calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?

After the telesales gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

Tell the telesales that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realise it is a telesales, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

Tell the telesales you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telesales explains that telesales cannot give out their home numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telesales will agree and you say, "Me, neither!" Hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

Tell the telesales you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Tell the telesales, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

Insist that the caller is really your mate John, playing a joke. "Come on John, cut it out!"

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

 

[Bilal91]

If olive oil is made of olives, and sunflower oil is made out of sunflowers, what is baby oil made out of ?

Hilarious mate ...asked my small brother and he instantly replied babies...lol

 

[rickyp]

those phone ones are good, normally i just start swearing unnecessarily, its more fun!

 

[ZoraxDoom]

A few more:

If the Moon isn't made of cheese, why is the galaxy called the Milky Way?
If Practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?

 

[The Spin]

Nice ones there Zorax!

 

[avk2love]

A few more:

If the Moon isn't made of cheese, why is the galaxy called the Milky Way?
If Practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?

good ones

 

[Cricket_60]

An old one I heard somewhere

Why do we call something travelling by car a shipment and something travelling by ship cargo?

 

[newzolt]

Well, here's my list
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four [bleep] In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile?!?

 

[ZoraxDoom]

Lol, most of 'em did!

 

[newzolt]

Q: What's the difference between women an government bonds?
A: Bonds mature

 

[fanirama]

Hahahahahaha.....

newzolt is terrific like scorpion_rules. Keep those awesome jokes coming.

And good ones there The Spin

 

[newzolt]

Hahahahahaha.....

newzolt is terrific like scorpion_rules. Keep those awesome jokes coming.

And good ones there The Spin

Thanks for the appreciation.