The stupidest comments you've heard at school thread

[smssia0112]

These are written all over my workbooks, just stupid comments from lessons at school. A sample few:

Teacher: "Respiration is essential for all humans."
Student 1 (she will be mentioned in the future I'm sure): "Not humans, human beings."

Student 2: "I don't get it."
Teacher explains.
Student 1: "Shut up Mr. (Teacher name) you don't know anything!"

Teacher: "Where are the most reactive elements found?"
Student 3: "In the corners, so Helium is the most reactive."
Teacher: "Helium does not react."
Same student: "Yeah, so it's the most reactive."

I have heaps I'll post more later, but this classic gem was yesterday:
Students are complaining to co-ordinator:
Student 4: "It's not fair, we're all going to fail this exam because he always gives us these boring videos we don't watch."
Me (aside to a student with a brain - after the teacher has left): "It's not really his fault if they don't watch it.
Student 5 (a different one to the one I was talking to): "Are you stupid?"

 

[tassietiger]

I've got a teacher that reels off these sorts of quotes every lesson (well used to, finished school the other week):

Student 1: Can you help me with this?
Teacher: Yes, but I choose not to.

Teacher: How do you find the mass defect of this reaction.
Student 1: Is it the products minus the reactants or something?
Teacher: Ah, answering a question with a question, a very creative way to get something wrong.

Could keep going but can't be arsed. He's a funny fellow.

 

[Master Khan]

Teacher: Whats the answer to this question
Student: Ask yourself miss because we don't care

 

[ste_mc_efc]

I tricked my RE teacher (a reverend) into saying he he likes good quality porn films

 

[BigCrickNan]

"You've never met God, but he could exist. You've never meant Tony Blair, so he could possibly not exist. On that basis you can't say it's a fact that Tony Blair Exists."

Stupid RS teacher.

 

[usy]

"You've never met God, but he could exist. You've never meant Tony Blair, so he could possibly not exist. On that basis you can't say it's a fact that Tony Blair Exists."

Stupid RS teacher.

lol

 

[evertonfan]

PE Teacher in year 7; "You don't have to score goals to win football matches"

 

[PhilD123]

Can't remember what lesson I was in, but a girl who says quite unbelievable things quite a lot, came out with this gem.

"If you eat somebody who's clever's brains, does it make you clever?".

We've got an intellectual bunch up north.

 

[usy]

but football is not just about goals.

 

[evertonfan]

Yeah I know, but you try and win a football game without scoring.

 

[Highlander999]

We got told by our hockey coach that "goals don't matter and to keep hold of the ball at the back". I then asked, "so how do we win". His reply "let them make the mistakes". "But if we have the ball moving across at the back how do we let them make mistakes. Also we should be driving up the wings not passing side to side at the back!"......

No answer.

That is why school hockey sucks. The coach is a fricking History teacher. My East Scotland Coach found that tactic very funny btw. I'd be a better coach.

 

[Will_NA]

'Good morning.'

'If it was a good morning, I wouldn't be here!' Shabam!!

Most of the stupid statements/questions come from 1 person, who is actually quite intelligent.

I'm paraphrasing:

If I could devise a way to keep oxygen in your body, I could live forever.

 

[sd92]

We have this girl who always asks and says stupid things.

After 3 months of studying Vietnam in History she asks:

"Is Saigon near Birmingham?"

The annoying thing is, she is intelligent.

 

[aussie_ben91]

Yeah I know, but you try and win a football game without scoring.

Psssh, I take it your teachers theory is to get your opponents to score the goals for you?

 

[mattfb]

I tricked my RE teacher (a reverend) into saying he he likes good quality porn films

How did you do that?