The Jokes Thread

[Pranav]

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.

They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

 

[The Rock]

Look at this LOL. And the very next second, he sent me a friend request.

 

[Till Valhalla]

that was awesome there @ The Real Rock

 

[Zidanes]

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. - me

 

[Themer]

As my wife and I dropped our son off at school, she handed him his Thomas the Tank Engine lunchbox and kissed him on the forehead, we then watched him as he skipped through the gates.

"Little gay twat," I muttered.

"You're always so hard on him," said my wife.

"Well come on," I replied, "What kind of example is he setting to the other teachers?"

 

[The Rock]

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's 18.

 

[puddleduck]

"It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine Cuban cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him an excellent selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

?All this was just too wonderful for words,? he said, ?But what's the dollar for??
?Well,? she said, ?Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.
He said, 'f**k him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea.?"

 

[thedon5]

Not really a joke but dosen't fit anywhere else.

Pick number between 1 - 10

x it by 9

If its a 2 digit number add the digits together

Subtract 5

Corrospond the number to the alphabet e.g A=1, B=2

think of a country begginging? with that letter

Think of a animal beginning with the 2nd letter of that country

Now think of the colour of that animal














You were thinking of a grey elephant in Denmark!

 

[Varun]

I was thinking of a brownish Echidna in Denmark.

 

[Zidanes]

joke?

 

[swacker]

I was thinking of a brownish Echidna in Denmark.

Grey elephant? from denmark!

 

[Themer]

A Green J?mthund from Djibouti?

 

[Haarithan]

An Octopus from Dominican Republic?

 

[The Rock]

A grey anteater from Dallas.

 

[Themer]

How do you make a tortoise fast?

Don't feed him.