Jarryd
Club Cricketer
Following the crushing defeat of England in the first test, the International Cricket Council has imposed a new set of rules for the remainder of the series to make the contest more even.
1) As a result, England has been granted an automatic wickie, freeing up wicket keeper Alex Stewart to defend the boundary. Under the rule, Australian batsmen will be deemed out "caught behind" if the ball nicks their bat and lands in the immediate area behind the wicket. The rule is a compromise from the original English proposal which had pushed for automatic slips as well. The ICC refused that request on the grounds that "someone has to go and get the ball when an Australian misses it."
2) In addition, Australia is under strict "tip and run" restrictions which require they take a run off every ball they hit. Steve Waugh was happy to accept this, as it meant no change to his current game plan. As a compromise, it was agreed that the Australians will also have to shout out the word "wickets" when completing a run to make run out decisions by umpires easier.
3) Following his outstanding performances, Australian wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist has "six and out" restrictions imposed on him. As well, following complaints from English fielders, Gilchrist will have to get the ball if it goes across the road.
4) Instead of using a bat, Matt Hayden will now be obliged to use his arm with his jumper wrapped around it.
5) New rules for England include "one hand, one bounce" while they are fielding, and the provision of ?last man carries" when they are batting.
6) The English tried to extend the "can't get out first ball" provision to "can't get out first ten overs", but the ICC proclaimed that the extra runs gained would hardly be worth the effort. Australian captain Steve Waugh has vigorously opposed the "last man carries" rule and has launched an appeal. Waugh says Australia will only agree to the rule if there are electric wickets at the end, allowing Aussie fielders to throw to the stumps at either end.
7) A spokesperson for the ICC also announced that following six successive ducks "from now on Craig White can't get out for a duck".
8) English pace bowler Andy Caddick will also be allowed to wrap the ball's seam with electrical tape when he's bowling in the second innings.
9) The spokesperson added there will be "no LB" for English batsmen unless "it is really, really obvious."
10) Shane Warne has conceded that its "fair enough" that he has to bowl underarm (but not molly grubbers) to the English tail end.
11) If England decides that Steven Harmison is to be given an over, the umpire will deem the Australian batsmen as dismissed if Harmison lands the ball anywhere on the pitch. Captain Steve Waugh has no problems with this change, as the probability of such a dismissal occurring is infintessinately small.
Despite the changes, Australia remains firm favourites, paying $0.22, while an English win is currently paying $1.3 trillion.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What's the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Stewart?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What advantage do Nasser Hussein, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley, Alex Tudor and Graham Hick have over the rest of their team mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
1) As a result, England has been granted an automatic wickie, freeing up wicket keeper Alex Stewart to defend the boundary. Under the rule, Australian batsmen will be deemed out "caught behind" if the ball nicks their bat and lands in the immediate area behind the wicket. The rule is a compromise from the original English proposal which had pushed for automatic slips as well. The ICC refused that request on the grounds that "someone has to go and get the ball when an Australian misses it."
2) In addition, Australia is under strict "tip and run" restrictions which require they take a run off every ball they hit. Steve Waugh was happy to accept this, as it meant no change to his current game plan. As a compromise, it was agreed that the Australians will also have to shout out the word "wickets" when completing a run to make run out decisions by umpires easier.
3) Following his outstanding performances, Australian wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist has "six and out" restrictions imposed on him. As well, following complaints from English fielders, Gilchrist will have to get the ball if it goes across the road.
4) Instead of using a bat, Matt Hayden will now be obliged to use his arm with his jumper wrapped around it.
5) New rules for England include "one hand, one bounce" while they are fielding, and the provision of ?last man carries" when they are batting.
6) The English tried to extend the "can't get out first ball" provision to "can't get out first ten overs", but the ICC proclaimed that the extra runs gained would hardly be worth the effort. Australian captain Steve Waugh has vigorously opposed the "last man carries" rule and has launched an appeal. Waugh says Australia will only agree to the rule if there are electric wickets at the end, allowing Aussie fielders to throw to the stumps at either end.
7) A spokesperson for the ICC also announced that following six successive ducks "from now on Craig White can't get out for a duck".
8) English pace bowler Andy Caddick will also be allowed to wrap the ball's seam with electrical tape when he's bowling in the second innings.
9) The spokesperson added there will be "no LB" for English batsmen unless "it is really, really obvious."
10) Shane Warne has conceded that its "fair enough" that he has to bowl underarm (but not molly grubbers) to the English tail end.
11) If England decides that Steven Harmison is to be given an over, the umpire will deem the Australian batsmen as dismissed if Harmison lands the ball anywhere on the pitch. Captain Steve Waugh has no problems with this change, as the probability of such a dismissal occurring is infintessinately small.
Despite the changes, Australia remains firm favourites, paying $0.22, while an English win is currently paying $1.3 trillion.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What's the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Stewart?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What advantage do Nasser Hussein, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley, Alex Tudor and Graham Hick have over the rest of their team mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
