Story Diary of a Madman - random waffle and scores from various cricket games

[Slowcoach]

I am going to do a diary/blog thing of random waffle and scores from various cricket games because I am too useless to stick at anything long enough to write a story.

I guess this is the first post of my "blog" so I have gone to the effort of using a nice "Pakistani Green" (aka "Darth Vader Green").

I had zero sleep tonight/last night/today/this morning/whatever so my writing is probably worse than usual, though seeing as I have not just woken up I am not acting like a bear with a sore head like I usually am at this hour.

I half picked a Pakistani squad for a tour of England on ICC 2006, before I became temporarily obsessed with Azhar Mahmood and started wanting to head back to ICC 2000 to give him an extended run in the team.

So here I am, with half a Pakistani squad, a cup of coffee, some green font, and too much time on my hands.

 

[Highlander999]

Hmmm, Darth Vader Green? Thought he was black :confused: What brand of coffee?

 

[Jaztheman]

Good opening, Slowcoach.

I can see this being a good story that will be very enjoyable to read. Looking forward to this intensely.

 

[Slowcoach]

Well here I am again, with another cup of coffee, my green font, and this time a full Pakistani squad.

I am going to tour England on ICC 2006, I am not taking this tour seriously so I have picked Sami.

Here is my squad, along with reasons for their selection where applicable...

Younis Khan (vc)
Inzamam-ul-Haq (c)
Mohammad Yousuf

Shoaib Malik - because he is rated as an Opener on this game (Hallelujah!), and he bowls offspin which will give my bowling attack some variety.

Fawad Alam - because he is a left hander and I want to train him up and let him feast on weak bowling attacks in the county/university matches.

Nasir Jamshed - the same reasons as Fawad Alam, plus he is 16 and a Pakistani squad always needs a ridiculously young player to be complete.

Taufeeq Umar - because I want to destroy his average.

Kamran Akmal - for his catching.

Bilal Asad - for his "experience in English conditions", his dinky medium pace, and as my reserve keeper and Aamer Malik "Jack of all Trades" type player.

Shahid Afridi
Azhar Mahmood - because Razzaq is injured.
Shoaib Akhtar
Danish Kaneria
Mohammad Asif
Umar Gul
Sohail Tanvir - because he is Sohail Tanvir.

Abdur Rehmen - for the variety his left arm spin will give me, and to replace a (hopefully) out of form Kaneria.

Mohammad Sami - for his "raw pace", and to be my "pace spearhead" if Akhtar loses form or becomes injured.

Slowcoach added 4 Minutes and 50 Seconds later...

Hmmm, Darth Vader Green? Thought he was black :confused: What brand of coffee?

Woolworths Homebrand Coffee - because it is cheap.

 

[Highlander999]

They have Woolworths in Aus? I thought they were bankrupt.

Love the fact that you need a ridculously young player in the squad

 

[mattfb]

Haha great update. This seems like a fun story kiu!

 

[Slowcoach]

Well, the first match of my tour of England is not going so well.

To start off, I lost the toss after breaking my "Always call Heads" rule and stupidly calling "Tails", and was forced to bowl first in conditions which were offering nothing for my bowlers.

Sami took an early wicket after I had picked him to shield Akhtar and Asif from bowling themselves out of form before the Test series, then Gul took a wicket and things were looking good.

Then it went downhill fast, Azhar Mahmood got smacked around by Mongia and Ackerman (Damn overseas players, ban them for being Un-Australian, ban them I say!) and didn't look like taking a wicket. Abdur Rehman then bowled himself out of Test contention after "craftily" being brought on in the 14th over ahead of Kaneria due to the fact that "he is a finger spinner, and will therefore do better with a newer ball than a wrist spinner".

Lunch, Day 1

Leicestershire 99/2 (38 overs)

D.Mongia 32*
H.Ackerman 46*

Azhar Mahmood 6-0-22-0
Abdur Rehman 11-1-39-0
Mohammad Sami 7-1-15-1

I am irritated now so I am going to have a beer and take a break from this tour.

 

[Slowcoach]

Overcome by the urge to use Blue font, I decided to head back to ICC 2000 and take control of a struggling England team.

I was lucky that most of the players I wanted to pick were in good form, so I went with the following squad of 12 players for the 1st Test v Zimbabwe at Lord's...

M.Atherton
M.Butcher
N.Hussain (c)
G.Thorpe
A.Habib
A.Stewart (wk)
A.Flintoff
B.Hollioake (RIP)
A.Giles
C.Schofield
M.Hoggard
A.Mullally

The plan is to play 2 spinners if the conditions are favourable, with either Hollioake or Flintoff as the 3rd seamer, or leave out Schofield if there is nothing in the pitch for the spinners.

I am hoping to kickstart the careers of Giles and Schofield with the winter tours to Pakistan and Sri Lanka in mind by giving them a chance to bowl at a weak Zimbabwean team.

I feel slightly sad at picking Ben Hollioake, but his form was way too good to ignore, and the only other fit allrounder in decent form was a 32 yr old Chris "The prat without a hat" Lewis.

James Ormond was unlucky not to make the squad because he had good bowling form, and had scored a first class ton, but I decided to go with Mullally instead because I wanted a left arm seamer in the squad.

Gough and Caddick were in dreadful form so I decided to give some other seamers a chance instead, I will probably bring them straight back into the side as soon as their form improves.

Aftab Habib was in great form (98%) and I am a fan of his name so I had to pick him.

Robert Croft was also unlucky to miss out because his form was good, but I thought Giles and Schofield would benefit more from playing a (hopefully) weak Zimbabwean team.

Slowcoach added 53 Minutes and 24 Seconds later...

Score update from the 1st Test between England and Zimbabwe...

Lineups:

England

M.Atherton
M.Butcher
N.Hussain (c)
G.Thorpe
A.Habib
A.Stewart (wk)
A.Flintoff
A.Giles
C.Schofield
A.Mullally
M.Hoggard

Zimbabwe

G.Flower
S.Carlisle
A.Flower
M.Goodwin
A.Campbell
D.Viljoen
C.Wishart
H.Streak
B.Strang
H.Olonga
M.Mbangwa

After "inspecting the pitch" for half an hour, I decided to leave out Hollioake, and go in with two spinners, hoping to win the toss and the bat through a Cloudy first session without losing too many wickets. The outfield was Slow, but I was confident I would be able to plunder the runs when conditions improved.

So far the plan is working, I won the toss, and made it through to lunch with the only wicket lost being a scratchy Atherton (bowled Streak, for 16 off 62 balls).

Butcher has looked in great touch, with his only nervous moment being a play and miss against left arm seam of Bryan Strang.

Lunch, Day 1

England 76/1 (31 overs)

M.Butcher 49* (91 balls) 6 fours
N.Hussain 6* (36 balls)

H.Streak 8-1-17-1

The plan is to now bat through until late on the 2nd day, and then hopefully rout Zimbabwe on a wearing pitch in the Cloudy/Very Cloudy conditions predicted for the 3rd day.

 

[Jaztheman]

Good updates mate, you really were being honest when you said various cricket games.

Hopefully you can get the inform England team to perform against the Zimbabwean team. Like you said, hopefully they prove no match.

Good start for your England team, with Butcher in good touch. Atherton should of made a few more but that still isn't too bad with your team as strong as it is.

 

[Slowcoach]

Progress update from the England v Zimbabwe test...

We lost a couple of wickets in the 2nd session, Hussain caught at slip off Bryan Strang for 25, and an out of form Thorpe caught behind off Streak for 4.

Butcher is still going strong on 88 not out, though he started to play and miss a bit as the Zimbabwean right arm seamers switched to a round the wicket line and tiredness set in.

Aftab Habib seems to be justifying his selection and position at 5 in the batting order so far, with some nice offside shots, but I fear he could fall at any moment.

I really need a good partnership here because the game is evenly poised, and I want to make sure it is Zimbabwe who have to suffer the wrath of the cloudy conditions on day 3 and not me.

Tea, Day 1

England 159/3

M.Butcher 88* (185 balls) 8 fours
A.Habib 18* (27 balls) 3 fours

B.Strang 16-4-37-1
H.Streak 15-2-33-2

 

[mattfb]

Your looking good against Zimbabwe, Butcher playing well.

BTW I have a thing of always calling heads too Heads never fails!

 

[Jaztheman]

Butcher is just destroying Zimbabwe. Thorpe was poor but these two seem to be settled in now and could get a partnership going to get you to a big score.

England in control as expected. Keep this going.

 

[Slowcoach]

Score update from the England v Zimbabwe Test...

The match is evenly poised at the end of the first day, with a couple of wickets lost in the final session spoiling England's day.

Butcher fell in the nervous nineties which annoyed me, he had been batting so well, lbw to the pace of Olonga from around the wicket for 93. Then Aftab Habib was caught behind off the bowling of Mbangwa for 41.

In what could be a turning point, Stewart was dropped in the slips by Campbell off Olonga. He made it through to stumps, along with a nervous Flintoff, and both batsman now face what could be a tough first session on day 2 in the cloudy conditions. I need a decent partnership between these two because I don't have much faith in my tail.

The lack of a major partnership on day 1 was dissappointing, with 63 for the 2nd wicket between Butcher and Hussain being the highest.

Streak was the pick of the bowlers, claiming 2 wickets and being hard to score off, while the other 3 frontline bowlers took 1 wicket apiece.

Stumps, Day 1

England 239/5 (93 overs)

A.Stewart 36* (71 balls) 3 fours
A.Flintoff 10* (43 balls) 1 four

H.Streak 22-3-49-2

 

[Jaztheman]

Streak was awesome for Zimbabwe on the first day but England got a little lucky to have Stewart still there. England needed that luck and can hopefully make Zimbabwe pay for that dropped catch... hopefully not in Zimbabwean dollars though.

Good stuff, mate.

 

[Slowcoach]

Score update from the England v Zimbabwe test...

This was always going to be a tough session, the pitch is starting to assist the bowlers and there was some cloud around to help the seamers.

Stewart and Flintoff took their partnership to 74, before they fell within a couple of overs of eachother to leave us in a vulnerable position at 277/7. Stewart was out straight after bringing up his 50, caught behind off Bryan Strang. Flintoff was then out for an uncharacteristically slow 31 off 100 balls, lbw playing a wild cover drive at a straight ball from Streak, giving the paceman his 3rd wicket.

Giles and Schofield then added a valuable unbroken stand of 31* to take us to the lunch break without further loss, with Alistair Campbell helping by dropping his second catch of the innings, putting down debutant Schofield at slip off an unlucky Mbangwa.

Lunch, Day 2

England 308/7 (124 overs)

A.Giles 17* (51 balls) 2 fours
C.Schofield 15* (38 balls)

B.Strang 33-5-78-2
H.Streak 26-4-53-3