The Jokes Thread

[ste_mc_efc]

"Heart Touching Story.

Girl - I am having Vagina surgery.

Boyfriend - I know.

Girl - I love you!

Boyfriend - I love you too!

After surgery, girl wakes up and sees only her Dad is there.

Girl - Where is my Boyfriend?

Dad - Who do you think gave you the vagina?

Girl - what."

I literally have no idea what this is. Are there like four lines missing or something?

 

[BlitzBerg]

Exactly. Read it a couple of times, didn't get it unless its the boyfriend having a vagina.

 

[Gurjot95]

Actually that's parody of the status usually made by teenage girls and boys on Facebook. It goes like this -

Girl - I am having Eye surgery.

Boyfriend - I know.

Girl - I love you!

Boyfriend - I love you too!

After surgery, girl wakes up and sees only her Dad is there.

Girl - Where is my Boyfriend?

Dad - Who do you think gave you the Eyes?

Girl - *Cries*

Believe me, if don't understand it then it's only good for you. My whole Facebook feed is literally fill up all these gay status from teenagers and this particular status has been repeated indefinite amount of times.

----------

Exactly. Read it a couple of times, didn't get it unless its the boyfriend having a vagina.

I was going to put Justin Bieber picture below quoting 'You're welcome'

 

[ved_]

Actually that's parody of the status usually made by teenage girls and boys on Facebook. It goes like this -

Girl - I am having Eye surgery.

Boyfriend - I know.

Girl - I love you!

Boyfriend - I love you too!

After surgery, girl wakes up and sees only her Dad is there.

Girl - Where is my Boyfriend?

Dad - Who do you think gave you the Eyes?

Girl - *Cries*

Believe me, if don't understand it then it's only good for you. My whole Facebook feed is literally fill up all these gay status from teenagers and this particular status has been repeated indefinite amount of times.

----------


I was going to put Justin Bieber picture below quoting 'You're welcome'

Well how about this one?

 

[icyman]

Someone just mentioned Justin Bieber up there. Its outrageous that Selena Gomez even goes onto to call him her 'boyfriend'.

 

[Villain]

What do you call a good English batsman?

Spoiler

South African.

 

[shravi]

what do you call a good Indian bowler?

Spoiler

imaginary

 

[Villain]

What do you call a great Australian cricketer?

Spoiler

Retired

 

[Sulaiman7]

What do you say when Pakistan losses from India ?

Spoiler

Match fixing

 

[Ashu54]

What do you call Australian player who batted well in Border-Gavskar series 2013 ?

Spoiler

A bowler becoz only they batted well for Australia

 

[puddleduck]

Think this was potentially posted before, but meh.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

 

[ste_mc_efc]

that seems a little bit updated since the last time I read it, i.e. the inclusion of greece.

The UK section should be a horse reference these days though

 

[puddleduck]

Yeah, should probably be, "You have 2 Cows, one of them is mad, the other one is a Horse."

 

[kushy28]

Jaggu: Which oil do you apply for your beard?
Raju: Phenol

 

[Anish.]

Not funny .