The Jokes Thread

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.
"What's a bit** and a pussy?"
"Well," Mom says, "a bit** is a female dog and a pussy is a cat." The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad.
"What's a bit** and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy.
"Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bit**!"

 

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!

 

[Col. Hans Landa]

ROFL

 

[zeustrojanstark]

ROFL

Whats there to laugh about this mate?

 

[vaibhavtewatia]

That is the point which went unnoticed. It isn't "Sada" but "Soda" lemon

 

[Col. Hans Landa]

Whats there to laugh about this mate?

Nimbu itself means lemon.
Hindi isn't your mother-tongue I guess, thats the reason you missed it.

 

[Col. Hans Landa]

 

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

The patient sat there looking ill and asked, ''Flu?'' The doctor replied, ''No, I came on my bicycle actually!''

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A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

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Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots???
A: Bunny fa**s!

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If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have?
A bloody big cricket.

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Once there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road.
Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. Once the man knew what had happened, he quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, laying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter bunny.
The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter bunny!"
The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertable. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.
The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter Day, and it's all my fault."
The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.
Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"
The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

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Why can't a blo***dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

 

[zeustrojanstark]

Nimbu itself means lemon.
Hindi isn't your mother-tongue I guess, thats the reason you missed it.

Yeah right.I am very bad in Hindi infact i just know two or three words in all,thats it

 

[Ahmad94]

@Sohel Ajaz , use the pictures thread for pictures, and not the Jokes thread.

 

[zeustrojanstark]

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

 

[spooony]

I love school. Today our term paper due date's set. Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.

So this wiseass pipes up: 'What about extreme sexual exhaustion ?'

She waits for the laughs to die down and says: 'Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand



I just got a message on Twitter "I can see your wife sunbathing in your garden"

So what? I thought, until I noticed it was from an astronaut on the International Space Station.

 

[GlitchInTheMatrix]

1000s of jokes here.

 

[FabregasChelsea]

I love school. Today our term paper due date's set. Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.

So this wiseass pipes up: 'What about extreme sexual exhaustion ?'

She waits for the laughs to die down and says: 'Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand



I just got a message on Twitter "I can see your wife sunbathing in your garden"

So what? I thought, until I noticed it was from an astronaut on the International Space Station.

 

[Ahmad94]

It is still considerably better than anything you have posted.