Sardar Jokes

[viral1991]

News is that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.

The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?

Sardar: oh ji pucho mat... sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.

Aaj tak: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin
koode.

Sardar: oye nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya .

 

[Ritwik]

That is hilarious! Good find, Viral.

 

[Sachin_007]

LMAO...nice one viral..


________________________________________________________


Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a 'around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, " Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved." All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.

Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea. After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted,

" Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal, wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh, Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman, jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di, Jai jawan jai kissan ".................... and finally yelled at the top of his voice,

"Bharat mata ki jai", And Kicked the pakistani (no offense) standing next to him in the sea.


Sardarji's got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They take 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.
One asks the other "What happens if the bombs blast off now" The other says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"


There was a couple honeymooning in Mumbai when they saw a sadar filling out a form. Curiously, they go over to him and ask, "What are you doing?" The sardar replies, "I just had son, so I am filling out his birth certificate."
THE NEXT DAY....

The couple continued their honeymoon and went to New Delhi. There they saw the same sadar filling out a form. Once again they go up to him and ask, "what are you filling out?"

The sadar replies,"My son's birth certificate." Confused the couple asks, "Weren't you doing that yesterday in Mumbai?"

Sadar says, "yes, but I am following the directions. they say to FILL IN CAPITAL

Santa and Banta r two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good Job.
Santa singh says , OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, santa singh says, first i will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, i would give u the all answers and questions. So u go and then answer there. U will get the Job.

So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER When we got independence?

SANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER Good. Who is our PM?

SANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER OK. What's India's population?

SANTA(He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.

Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions.

He goes in Now.

EMPLOYER When were u born?

BANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER What???? Who is your father?

BANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER Are u Mad Mr. Banta?

BANTA Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

 

[F4rrukh]

News is that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.

The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?

Sardar: oh ji pucho mat... sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.

Aaj tak: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin
koode.

Sardar: oye nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya .

lool hahahaha lmao oh my god i just cant stop laughing hahha what a sardar
:laugh :laugh :laugh :rtfl :rtfl

 

[manee]

Santa and Banta r two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good Job.
Santa singh says , OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, santa singh says, first i will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, i would give u the all answers and questions. So u go and then answer there. U will get the Job.

So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER When we got independence?

SANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER Good. Who is our PM?

SANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER OK. What's India's population?

SANTA(He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.

Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions.

He goes in Now.

EMPLOYER When were u born?

BANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER What???? Who is your father?

BANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER Are u Mad Mr. Banta?

BANTA Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

Funniest joke ever

 

[viral1991]

Thanks for the appreciation!

Here's one I heard somewhere :

Sardarji's relatives :

Sardarji was introducing his family to his friend. He said ' This is me, Sardar, this is Sardarnee, this is my kid & this is my kidney!

 

[scorpion_rulezz]

Nice Ones There Here i got some

You should be sure it is a sardarji when somebody
* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* wears a swimsuit while surfing on the net.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
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Sardar and Mileage

A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a
1,00,000 kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a
good price because of its excess mileage.
He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help.
The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked
him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the
meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days,
the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar
would have sold the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in
the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What
happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"
The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only
30,000 kilometres."
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Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.)
Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).
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Aik Sardar sahab Bus main kahin jarahe thay too achanak se sardar sahab ki wife ki photo un ki pocket se neechay gir jati hai or aik lady k neechay ajati hai..
sardar sahab lady se kehte hain "madam Sari Uthao Photo lena hai" Lady slept him Sardar Replied aa ki hai maine too Sirf Photo manga tha
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ek dafa duniya bhar ke sardar ek jaga ikathe hoey aur conference karne
lage ke sardar stupid kiyon mashoor hain ????? subha se shaam ho gayi
laikin koi result nahi nikla .... khair ek sardar bloa main toh paan
lene ja raha hoon ....

woh shop pe gaya aur paanwale se kehna laga ke 20000 paan laga do ...
pan wala bara heran hoa aur bola itne pas kis liye ??? sardar ne usse
reason bataya toh woh bola lo ji koi masla hi nahi tum ek sawal ka
jawab do ... agar jawab sahi hoa to iss ka matlab hay ke tum stupid
nahi ... sardar bola theek hay sawal batao .......

pan wala bola acha jee mujhe batao ..."meri maa de do putar ek amrica
te dooja kithey'?? ... sardar bari der sochta rahi laikin usse jawab
nahi aya ... pan wala bola "bewakofa meri maa de do putar ek amrica te
dooja main" ...

sardar bola haaan yeh toh main ne socha hi nahi ... chalo ab yeh sawal
main baki sardaroon se poochon ga ...woh gaya aur sardaroon se kaha
masla hal ho gaya tum log mere sawal ka jawab do ... agar jawab de diya
tu it means hum bewakoof nahi hai ...

mera sawal hay "meri maa de do pootar ek amrica te dooja kithey ???
sare sardar sochte rahe magar unhe koi jawab nahi aya .... akhir mein
pehle wala sardar bola ... "oey bawakoofo meri maa de doo pooter ek
amrica te dooja pan wala"
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Sardar G: Aaj main jaatae he apni wife ki panty ootar doon ga !!

Friend: Sardag g aaj tu barre mood main nazer a rahe hain.. wah :P

Sardar G : O nai papay... yara wife ki panty tight bohat hai, im not comfortable in it !!

 

[Sachin_007]

nice jokes scorpion...

 

[surendar]

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.

The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BOOM!... goes the machine.



Here is the other Brilliant Sardarji,

Sardari is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answers."
:happy

 

[newzolt]

Banta Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).

Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.

He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph."

The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see Santa Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him.

He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay."

He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?".

The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"

Santa replied,"I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history.

 

[newzolt]

confidence

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering
whom to invade next when his telephone rang.



"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said,
"This is

Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab .
I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring the war
on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed
important news!

How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's
calculation, "there is

myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour
aujla, and the entire

kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have
one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to
ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from
Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some
infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Saddam
asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's
tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I
have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've
increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back
to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed
to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by
adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's
generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his
throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and
20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surro unded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera bhala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring
you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that
we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the
sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat
over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two
million prisoners of war!!"

 

[Sachin_007]

Why did Santa Singh look into the mirror with his eyes closed?

Because he wanted to see how he looked when he was sleeping.


A Sardar was once searching for a hidden camera in his room, when his wife came and asked "Oji kya dhoondh rahe ho?" What Are You Looking For?

Sardar: Camera dhoondh raha hoon. I am looking for Camera..
His Wife: Najane ye star plus walon ko kaise pata chalta hai, Jo kehte hain, AAP DEKH RAHE HAIN STAR PLUS." How do TV Channel "Star Plus" find out? That they say "You Are Watching Star Plus."


WHY DOES SARDARJI KEEP THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN WHILE TAKING BATH

TO AVOID ANYBODY FROM WATCHING THROUGH THE KEY HOLE


Banta's wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'

Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl !!!

Preeto kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks, 'So, honey, how was the trip?'

'Very good, thank you.'

'And, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?'

'What I asked for, the English girl?!'

Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to
see if its a girl !!!

 

[Sachin_007]

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

 

[surendar]

A Sardar,who had never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the rail tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. Fortunately he gets some minor injuries. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the
kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a iron rod from the nearby shelf and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, rushes into the kitchen,sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The sardar replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

====================================================================================


Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.He asks one man
"When will Rajdhani Express go from here"?
Man Replies 12.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here"?
Man Replies 10.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here"?
Man Replies 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
Sardar replies, "NO. I only want to cross the tracks!"

 

[surendar]

Jugnu Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

===================================================================

Jugnu Singh : Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can think of...
Harpal Singh: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.


====================================================================
Q: Why did the Jugnu Singh take a pair binoculars with him to a funeral?
A: It was a distant relative's funeral


====================================================================
Jugnu Singh: I was born in the Punjab.
Harpal Singh: Oh really, which part?
Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly.

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Jugnu: What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?
Harpal: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!