Aseem Ralhan
U19 Cricketer<br><a href="http://www.planetcricket
Time's Up
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them.
Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.
His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop?s room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."
Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked.
He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
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Good Appetite
They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable.
As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.
She scanned the menu yet again, and said, "To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass, plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips. For dessert, just bring the cart.
Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite, but by the cost of all of this, he asked, "Tell me. Do you eat this well at home too?"
"Well, no," she admitted, "But no one at home wants to sleep with me."
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Medical Opinions
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome - those people walk just like that,"
The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't ignore the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you but first you'll tell me what you think?"
Then one of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
And the old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong."
Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
And the old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong."
So they asked him, "So what do you have?"
And the old man said, "I thought I needed to fart. I thought, but I was wrong."
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Pile of ****
A mailman walked down the street and saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of ****, had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.
The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said, "Making a Mailman".
This ****ed the mailman off, he went up the street and saw a fireman. He told the fireman what the boy was doing and what a smart ass the kid was, the fireman said that he would have a talk with the boy.
The fireman walked up to Little Johnny and asked him what was he doing playing in pile of ****, Johhny looked up and said, "Making a Fireman."
This ****ed the fireman off, he left to tell a cop. The cop said that he would have a talk with the boy. The cop asked Little Johnny, "What are you doing, playing with a pile of ****?"
Little Johnny looked up and said nothing.
The cop said, "You told the mailman and the fireman that you were making a fireman and a mailman, why don't you tell me that you are making a cop."
Little Johnny looked up and without a grin said, "I ain't got enough ****".
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Smart Cop
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman; "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
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Big Fart!
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out.
So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tomorrow to tell him what happened.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him 1,000 cans of beans and says, "If this doesn't work then nothing will."
The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.
The doctor anxiously asked, "Well, did it work?"
The messenger boy says, "Big fart, no chief!"
_________________________________________________________________
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them.
Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.
His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop?s room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."
Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked.
He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
_________________________________________________________________
Good Appetite
They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable.
As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.
She scanned the menu yet again, and said, "To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass, plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips. For dessert, just bring the cart.
Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite, but by the cost of all of this, he asked, "Tell me. Do you eat this well at home too?"
"Well, no," she admitted, "But no one at home wants to sleep with me."
_________________________________________________________________
Medical Opinions
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome - those people walk just like that,"
The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't ignore the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you but first you'll tell me what you think?"
Then one of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
And the old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong."
Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
And the old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong."
So they asked him, "So what do you have?"
And the old man said, "I thought I needed to fart. I thought, but I was wrong."
_________________________________________________________________
Pile of ****
A mailman walked down the street and saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of ****, had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.
The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said, "Making a Mailman".
This ****ed the mailman off, he went up the street and saw a fireman. He told the fireman what the boy was doing and what a smart ass the kid was, the fireman said that he would have a talk with the boy.
The fireman walked up to Little Johnny and asked him what was he doing playing in pile of ****, Johhny looked up and said, "Making a Fireman."
This ****ed the fireman off, he left to tell a cop. The cop said that he would have a talk with the boy. The cop asked Little Johnny, "What are you doing, playing with a pile of ****?"
Little Johnny looked up and said nothing.
The cop said, "You told the mailman and the fireman that you were making a fireman and a mailman, why don't you tell me that you are making a cop."
Little Johnny looked up and without a grin said, "I ain't got enough ****".
_________________________________________________________________
Smart Cop
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman; "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
_________________________________________________________________
Big Fart!
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out.
So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tomorrow to tell him what happened.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."
The doctor gives him 1,000 cans of beans and says, "If this doesn't work then nothing will."
The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.
The doctor anxiously asked, "Well, did it work?"
The messenger boy says, "Big fart, no chief!"
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