Sardar Jokes

[viral1991]

A foreigner came to India for the first time! He was lost & he wanted to go to a friend's house, which was near the local post-office!

He asked for help, unfortunately, to a Sardarji. Here's the conversation :

Foreigner : Can you tell me where the post-office is?
Sardarji : Yes!

(After a few seconds) Foreigner : Well, where is it?
Sardarji : It is just in front of my house!

Foreigner : And where is your house?
Sardarji : Right in front of the post-office!

Foreigner : Then where is the post-office & your house?
Sardarji : Both are in front of each other!!!

 

[Sachin_007]

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".




Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur
city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked,"Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and
asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."


nnnjjjjjoooyyyy

Santa Goes to heaven

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"


Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha.".. Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha.".


Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."


Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .


Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'


In India,
The lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. D'I am not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.


One day Sardarji goes to the doctor and says 'Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts. 'The doctor says 'OK. Touch your elbow.

'The Sardarji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doctor, surprised, says 'Touch your head.

'The Sardarji touches his head and jumps in agony.

The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.

Everywhere the Sardar touches it hurts like hell.

The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with x-rays, etc. and tells the Sardar to come back in two days.

Two days later the Sardar comes back and the doctor says;'We've found your problem.

'Sardarji: 'Oh yeah? What is it?'

Doctor: 'You've broken your finger!

 

[Ritwik]

I had to change the text colours there since some of the jokes were hardly visible.

Otherwise, good jokes!

 

[newzolt]

Santa & Banta were walking in the highlands then suddenly Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: Are you ok?
Santa: Fine thanks!
Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here!

 

[newzolt]

********************



Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..


Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....

 

[Sachin_007]

********************
Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.


Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..


Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....

I think the first joke has already been posted in this forum...I think i posted that joke..Anyway, nice jokes..

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Santa Goes to heaven
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

Race to the Sun:

Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."

"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."

And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."


Green TV
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."

Just a second
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.

Salary Expected
Sardarji is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.

Photocopies
What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

Photocopy
What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

 

[newzolt]

Sardarji on KBC 2

Amitabh : apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne..

Contestant Sardar is tensed.

Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek

Bachan?

Computer Screen:

A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.

Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?
(He is quite sure that Sardar will opt for A)
But Sardar is still confused.

Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..(50:50 and phone a friend)

Sardar: I think it is A but am not sure.

Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?

Sardar : I would like to use 50:50?

Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..

Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -

B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.

Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Sardar is even more confused.

Sardar: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..

Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?

Sardar : Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.

Amitabh Fainted !!

Just heard an extended version of this joke!

Santa Singh at KBC


Amitabh : Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke leye yeh raha apke samne..

Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.

Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan



ON Computer Screen:

A. Amitabh Bacchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav

C. Azaruddin D. General Perverz Musharaff .

Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ? ( He is quite sure that Santa will opt
for A)

But Santa is still confused.

Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..50:50 and phone a friend.

Santa: I think it is A, but am not sure.

Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm ap kya karna chahenge?

Santa : I would like to use 50:50?

Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..


Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -

B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.

C. Moh. Azharuddin.

Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made
this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on.

Now Santa is confused.

Santa: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..

Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?

Santa : "Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga...."

Amitabh Fainted !!!!!

And the call is now connected to Jayabachan and listen ......

Santa asked the question to Jaya.

Santa : " Jayaji , Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan ?

Jaya Bachan: Give me the options!!!!!!

*********************

Bus ride in Bombay


Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

 

[gaurav_indian]

Sardar Again.

Sardar Jokes.

> Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
> Friend: Y?
> Sardar: Got upper berth.
> Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
> Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..

> Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody
> Will b there.............
> Girl goes at night & really nobody was there

> A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
> After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for
> Filling up. U knows y?
> FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

> A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
> huge Loss.
> Do u know what the business was? . . . . .
> He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

> A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
> Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
> A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

> Sardar-why r all these people running?
> Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
> Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
> others running?

> Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
> Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
> again twins & named Max & Climax.
> Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them
> TIRED&RETIRED!

> 19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME
> IN A BIG GROUP OF 19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS
> ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...

> A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
> in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat
> him why?
> He said "SMILE PLEASE"

> Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
> into future tense.
> Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

> Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
> tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why
> he does this.
> Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

> Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
> mouth................. WHY?
> because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=

> Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
> He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
> After much thought he wrote : Yes!

> SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY.
> HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
> - I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE,
> THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....

> One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
> his college.
> U knw Why?
> Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

> Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
> Servant: It"s already raining.
> Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

> Santa! Your daughter has died!
> Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
> At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
> At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
> At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

> ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS
> HIM,DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
> HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER

> Sardar found the answer to the most difficult
> question ever - What will come first, Chicken or
> egg?
> O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

> A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was
> laughing.
> A bystander: why are u laughing?
> Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch
> network is following me.

> Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
> Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
> Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs
> back.!

 

[duffarama]

Merged into original Sardar Jokes thread.

 

[F4rrukh]

nice jokes gaurav.. bydaway your majesty i think you were going to sleep.. what are you doing here?

 

[duffarama]

nice jokes gaurav.. bydaway your majesty i think you were going to sleep.. what are you doing here?

Sorry Princess Farrukh, I wanted to moderate some more at PlanetCricket.

Nice jokes nonetheless.

 

[F4rrukh]

ok your majesty here have some more



Sardars entry in the heaven

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in

education on earth.

In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."

DharamRaj lets him in without another word.

oh my god damnnn this is hilariouss hahah


Wash Basin A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin". :laugh

 

[Sachin_007]

Punjab University Board Exam

nice jokes, farrukh



PUNJAB UNIVERSITY BOARD EXAM

Instructions:
a) All questions carry marks.
b) Use your own brains once you find it
c) sleeping is not allowed during exam .
d) Drinking is prohibited during the exam.
e) Weapons are Not allowed in the exam,

PUNJAB BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER
=
-------------------------------------------

PART A ( Questions 1 to 19)

[This one's slightly more difficult than last year's]

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only
alphabet are allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)

2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar

3. What's your age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0

4. What is 2 + 2=?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV

5. If you have one brother, how many brothers does your brother have?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal

6. Complete the following sentence... (4 marks)
______ ________ ________ _________ .

7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?

8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question: "My
mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's
wife is my mother herself".
Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) some times
( ) uncountable

9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get:
( ) One rupee?
( ) 100 paise?

10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences...
(HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a
_______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)

11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?

12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrayani Express come?

13. What do you do on a honeymoon?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

14. Earth is Flat?
( ) True
( ) Indeed True

15. If A =3D B and B =3D C then is B =3D A?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS

16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during
dinnertime?

17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

18. Complete the following poem: Mary had a little lamb Little lamb
little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or
"^")

19. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 19
( ) 20

20. Complete the following series : 1,1,1,1,1, _,_,_,

21 .Kaal kitne prakaar ke hote hain ?? ( ) 1 ( ) 3 ( ) 5.Also choose which are they : ( ) Bhoot kaal ( ) Vartamaan Kaaal ( ) Bhavishya kaal ( ) Trunk Kaal ( ) Sat Sri ya kaal

22. To reach a 12 th floor of skyscraper , how many buttons would you press in elevator ??
( ) 12 ( ) 12 x 36 ( ) i'll take stairs

23. where does sun go at night ?
( ) to bed ( ) to night club ( ) haven't followed to see where's it go ( ) ask sun it self

24. Spell M- Y- T - H - O - L - O - G - Y

25. Did u reach the last question of the paper : ( ) YES ( ) No ( ) i don't want to think extra

 

[Karachi Xpress]